


If only

by wolfypuppypiles



Category: Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Coming back from the dead, Crying, Cuddles, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Hurt/Comfort, Near Death Experiences, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Post Infinity War, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prompt Fill, Soul Stone, Whump, dad tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-30
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-08-11 01:38:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16466231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfypuppypiles/pseuds/wolfypuppypiles
Summary: If only he felt safe. If only he knew what to call the fear clawing at him from the inside out. If only he never died.Peter deals with PTSD after he comes back from the soul stone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is made up of four prompts that don't even start to come into this until chapter three so lol sorry but I did kind of have to explain the situation. Anyway, I hope you like it and I'll put the prompts at the bottom of this chapter.

It had been so long since the failed battle with Thanos, so long since Peter disappeared. But Tony never gave up. He searched and he sent out beacons into space. He kept in touch with Rocket and Thor, keeping up with everything they found and any information they gathered about Thanos until finally, they found it. 

The Gauntlet. Thanos had no use for it once his mission was complete and he couldn't stand to look at it, couldn't stand to think about the sacrifices he made. So, he locked it away, sunk it in stone and hid it on a distant moon, in a deserted part of the universe. It was guarded of course, in a fortress surrounded by his soldiers but when had that ever stopped any of them before?

Rocket built weapons, enough to wipe out half the army of aliens standing guard over Thanos’ precious stones, and Thor raised Stormbreaker. “Let’s get them back. All of them.”

His low rumbled words were clear. They would take the stones and they would get his brother back, they would get Rockets team back and they would save Peter. 

They would do it. 

They tried. 

They were outnumbered and outpowered and they didn't have the time they needed to get them all. Tony couldn't separate the gauntlet from the stone that Thanos had sunken it into, so, he went for the stones instead, using the tools Rocket had given him. 

The Soul Stone shone, glinting at him and calling to him. He missed Peter and the others so much. His hands reached for it, working at getting it free from the ruined metal of the gauntlet. He should have taken the time stone, he knew he should have but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of Peter first. After all, he thought he'd have more time. He had thought he could take them all. 

“Stark! We gotta go! Reinforcements are on their way!”

The orange stone finally pulled loose and Tony jumped at the thumping on the doors, guards trying to get in. “I don’t have them all yet! I only have one!”

“We’ll have to come back! If we don’t leave now we’ll die and it’ll all be for nothing!”

Thor was right, of course, he was, and even though he was walking away from four stones he couldn't help but feel as though they’d won just from the one in his hand. He’d fix it all. He’d get them all back. The rest could be fixed later. 

They left quickly, narrowly escaping an awful demise but Tony smiled as they sped off. 

“I got it.”

He presented his hands, the glowing stone resting on the metal of his suit. 

Rocket reached for it, awed, before his clawed hands pulled back, ears flickering curiously. “Wait...how are you holding it? When we had the power stone, we could barely hold it without dying and that was all of us together. How are you not dead?”

Tony looked down at it and shrugged, rolling the stone across his palm to hold between his thumb and forefinger. “I don’t know. Maybe this ones different.”

Thor nodded, eyebrows pinched as he looked at it, eyes reflecting back the warm orange glow of the stone. “Soul. It is different. My father used to tell me stories of it.”

Tony’s voice was soft, reverent. “They’re all in there?”

Thor nodded, eyes lowering to the floor as he thought of his brother, who wasn’t. “Yes.”

“We can get them back.”

Thor looked away again, turning to the window of the spaceship they resided in, eyes damp where they looked out to the stars. His brother had been killed by Thanos, not the stone. His mother wasn’t in there, or his father; not even Heimdal. He didn’t know if the soul stone could bring them back. Or if it should. 

Tony lowered the stone, offering what comfort he could. “Hey. We can get your brother back. We can get everyone back.”

Thor shook his head, clasping his hands behind him as he blinked the mist away from his eyes. “As much as I want to, I can’t bring my parents back or Heimdall or any of my people. They’re in Valhalla, where they should be, where they deserve to be. Loki is...I love my brother but I don’t think he made it there. He, I can bring back. Or at least try to.”

Tony didn’t try to understand, simply thumping a friendly hand on his teammate's shoulder, the god patting it in thanks. 

“I don’t care where my stupid team is. I don’t care if Quill, Gamora, Drax and Mantis are in paradise. I’m dragging their asses all back.”

His voice broke a little and he bared his teeth as he tried to stop from crying. “Groots coming back.”

Tony felt for the little furry creature, his rough nature having grown on him in the time they’d spent looking for the stones. 

And they finally had it. The soul stone. 

So, Tony did what he’d been waiting for since that failed battle on Titan. He brought Peter back. He fixed it. 

He’d moved heaven and earth, he’d torn the soul stone from the mangled remains of the gauntlet and he brought Peter, and all the other trapped souls, back. They went back to Titan before they used it, not knowing if the souls would be returned where they were taken or not. 

The dust rolling across the barren wasteland made Tony's chest ache but he pushed the memories away and used the stone. 

He didn’t know what he expected. A flash of bright light, a portal or a clap of thunder. But Peters return had none of those things. One moment he was gone, the hole in Tony’s heart aching for the teenagers return, and the next, he was laying on his back in the dirt, gasping. 

Tony dropped the stone, running to the kid as Thor swept the soul stone from the ground with reverent hands. 

Peter was back, he was blinking up at Titans sky, hands shaking where they reached out, in the same position he’d been when he’d crumbled away. 

“Peter!” Tony called for him, forcing his legs to go faster, to reach the boy sooner. 

His head didn’t turn but Tony could see his mouth move in mumbles as he drew closer, ash falling from Peter to cloud the air and- 

Tony’s heart stopped in his chest, waiting. He knelt next to the kid, shaking fingers reaching out to touch him, ash and dust choking him. 

Was Peter disappearing again? Had he brought him back just to see him go once more? But no. Tony touched Peters' arm, ash dropping to the ground but the teenager remaining solid. It was like an outer layer was falling from him, revealing the new boy underneath. 

Tony’s heart renewed its beat with vigour and he leant over the kid. “Peter?”

Those eyes, the same ones that haunted Tony's dreams, found his and focussed. 

Peter sucked in a shaky breath as his hands reached for his hero, pawing at his chest as if ensuring he was real. 

“M-Mr Stark?”

Tony couldn’t wait any longer. He slid his arm around Peters back, one hand behind the boy's neck, and pulled him to his chest. 

“I got you back. It worked, you’re here.”

Peter gripped him back, feeling solid and real in his arms before he let go to stare at his own hands behind Tony. He watched the ash drift off his fingers, the sparse wind blowing it away and his chest began to tighten in panic. 

“No! No, it's happening again! Mr Stark, don’t let me go!”

Tony pulled away, Peter's voice breaking into sobs as he tried to pull him back. “Don’t let go!”

“No, no, Peter. It’s okay. You’re not disappearing. It’s just a little ash left over. It’s okay. You’re here. You’re safe now.”

Tony took the boys hand and squeezed tight, brushing the thick layer of ash off his arm as Peter watched, calming down. 

“See? You’re okay. I won’t ever let you disappear again. I promise.”

Peter nodded, tears slipping down his dirt-streaked cheeks. “Y-you saved me.”

Tony gathered him up in his arms again, crushing him to his chest and Peter closed his eyes, not having felt solid in a very long time. “I missed you, kiddo.”

He wished it was over. He wished they didn’t have to get up again to fight but just because Tony had managed to steal the gauntlet from where Thanos had it guarded, didn’t mean he was defeated. He wanted his property back and he was going to get it. 

“Stark. Good to see you again.”

Tony turned, pulling Peter with him, to see Dr Strange stranding with Thor, his cloak brushing the ash away. 

“You too. Sorry, it took so long to get you back. Also, sorry but we don’t have time to catch up. We need one of your portals. We need to get the rest of the gauntlet.”

Tony enacted his plan, using Strange’s portal to get the rest of the gauntlet back but the problem was, none of them were strong enough to wield it. That much power would surely kill any of them but if they could just stop Thanos from getting it, they could win. And they needed to win. 

Stark looked down at the glinting metal, taking a breath before looking back up at the doctor. “You ready for this?”

Strange opened his mouth to reply, only for his eyes to flicker across the horizon as a boom sounded, shaking the ground beneath their feet. Thanos had arrived. 

Tony stood, pulling Peter to his feet and letting him go save for one hand he kept clasped around the kids trembling fingers. “We have to win this time. We can’t lose again.”

“We can take him.” Quills voice was steady and Tony saw why as he turned to see him and his team, returned from the soul stone. 

He stood there, chin raised and head held high, his hand tightly clasped by the hand of the green woman at his side.

Tony reached a hand out towards Thor, palm up and waiting. “Pass me the soul stone. We can use it to kill Thanos.”

But Thor shook his head, spreading his own empty hands, eyes clouded with grief. He hadn’t been able to get his brother back. “It disappeared when it released her.”

He pointed to the green woman and she nodded, arm brushing against Quills where she stood pressed close to him. 

“Thanos sacrificed me for the stone. Without me there, the stone goes back.”

Tony looked between Star-Lord and the woman, pieces fitting together in his brain. “You’re Gamora. Thanos is your father.”

She nodded and Tony felt a flicker of hope ignite in his chest. Without the soul stone, they couldn't kill Thanos like he did to them but he also couldn't repeat his actions. He couldn't snap them away, he’d have to fight them. “We can beat him.” 

……………….

It was a long, tough battle and there had never been more on the line. Tony didn’t want Peter to fight, the kid had already died on him once and he was clearly still shaken from the whole ‘disappearing into ash’ thing. They all were but they didn’t have time for therapy sessions and recovery and Tony didn’t have time to convince Peter to stay back. 

So, they fought. All of them. Dr Strange used his portals to get the rest of the Avengers and T’challa’s army up to Titan to fight alongside them and they did not disappoint. 

Tony sent another rocket towards the purple space dick as Wanda used her powers against him. And they were winning. Thanos was slowing down. 

He couldn’t fight them all, especially not without the infinity stones that they were so preciously guarding. 

“That’s for killing half the worlds dogs!” Peter leapt up and kicked Thanos in the face, sending him stumbling back before he jumped up again for another hit. “That’s for killing me and everyone else!”

Thanos let out a growl as he dodged Okoye’s spear, Peter going back for another kick. “And that's for-”

But his blow didn’t land a third time. Thanos snatched the kid out of the air, giant fingers wrapping around his chest and squeezing. 

“Spider-Man!” Tony called out, heart thumping too hard in his chest as Peter cried out in pain. His hands desperately tried to unwrap Thanos’s fingers but he wasn’t strong enough, not with his chest being crushed. 

Thanos regarded the teenager with disdain, lip curled as he drawled, almost bored. “I’m surprised you’d bring your children into this, Stark. I thought you were a hero.”

All attacks on the alien were halted at Tony's raised palm, not wanting to risk hurting Peter instead. “Are you really judging me? You killed your own daughter.”

That struck a nerve and Thanos growled, squeezing Peter tighter. “I made the necessary sacrifice to save the universe! I did what had to be done!”

Peter let out a strangled whimper at the added pressure on his chest and his hands pulled and pushed at Thanos’ grip, breaths thin and strained. Tony swallowed and kept his enemies attention while Thor made his way behind with Stormbreaker. 

“Yeah, sorry. All I’m hearing is that you’re a piece of shit. So, I’m going to do what has to be done and beat you into the ground. Let the Spider go.”

Thanos laughed raising Peter in his fist. “This spider?”

Tony nodded, anxiety growing as Peter struggled to breathe, hands faltering and growing weaker, clumsier, as he ran out of oxygen. 

Thanos smiled. “Here. You can have him. Never much cared for Spiders anyway.”

Peter reached out a hand to Tony, the mechanic's hand reaching out too, before Thanos turned and threw the boy at Thor, knocking them both to the ground. 

The kid was out of the way and the attacks renewed with a vengeance, Wanda going at him with her glowing red powers. 

But Tony had to get to Peter. 

Thor had gotten off the ground quickly, rolling the boy over and saying a few words to him before going back to the fight but Peter didn’t get up. 

Tony ran over to him, metal suit skidding across the stone ground as he slid over on his knees, hands reaching for the teenager. 

“Underoos? Buddy, talk to me! Are you hurt? How bad is it?”

Peter was laying on his side, one arm wrapped around his chest while the other pressed to the ground. He was trying to catch his breath, chest burning and aching with every strained breath but he managed to get a few words out. 

“My chest. I th-think he broke some ribs.”

Tony smoothed a hand over the kids back, rubbing soothing circles over his shoulder blades. “Okay, you’re okay. You can sit this one out.”

“What? N-no. I can’t. We have to keep going.” Peter was determined, getting to his feet even as he swayed. Tony reached out for him, taking his hand and keeping him upright. 

“Only if you’re sure you’re okay. I can’t lose you again, Pete.” 

Peter was about to reply when the eyes of his suit went wide and he called out. “Mr Stark!”

Thanos grabbed Tony from behind and dragged him up. Peter tried hanging on to him but his chest ached too badly to let him hang on and his fingers slipped free from Starks. 

Thanos squeezed him just like he had Peter before he threw Tony to the ground. Tony rolled onto his back and manifested his sword from his suit, glinting in the yellow light but Thanos gripped it and snapped it in two. 

Peter knew what was going to happen, he’d seen it before, it was all happening again. Thanos gripped the sword and turned it back on Tony and Peter bolted.

He moved faster than he ever had before, ducking between the hero's guarding the gauntlet, hand reaching out for that green stone as it called him. He was stronger than Tony, it didn’t take half as long. He pulled, begging the stone to understand why he needed it. And it listened. 

It came free of the metal that held it and Peter flung himself as fast and far as he could, barely getting back in time to stop Thanos’ hand as it brought the sword down on Tony. 

He propelled himself forward, tackling Tony and rolling him away from the sword that had been inches away from his heart. They rolled, grunts pushed from chests thumping against the ground when suddenly a green flash of light enveloped them and they fell deeper. Through time. 

Peter grunted, the air rushing out of his chest as they landed, dust and dirt kicking up around them. 

“Shit, what was that? You okay?” Tony rolled off the kid, voice hushed amid the noise around them. 

Peter panted, breaths coming as wheezes as he sat up, uncurling his fingers from his palm to reveal the time stone, waiting there. 

“I think we just time travelled.”

The two of them looked around, taking in the battle taking place around them. It didn’t look that different from before the time jump, except Gamora was missing and so were the Avengers and the gauntlet was back on Thanos’ fist. They’d done it, they had gone back. 

“We can change it.” Peter gripped his side tight as his eyes met Tony’s, seeing the excitement there because Tony knew just what to do. 

“Strange!” 

He called Mr Wizard over as he gently pulled Peter from the ground. “I need you to take us to earth. To Wakanda. Now. It’s important.”

The Doctor's eyes went wide at the sight of the stone in Peters' hand, hands reaching to grab it before he froze. “How did you get tha- Wait. You’re from the future, aren't you? You’re here to end this.”

Tony nodded and Dr Strange didn’t waste any more time. He spun his hands and summoned a portal, pushing it towards them and letting the magic envelop them. And they fell again, landing in the grass with aliens rushing around them. 

“We have to find Thor.”

“Why? Wait, I get to meet Thor?”

Tony had worked with Thor to get the gauntlet back, of course, he’d told him about his failure in the battle with Thanos. Tony didn’t bother to reply as he tugged Peter on, racing to the god of thunder as he ripped apart the aliens around him. 

Tony felt a smile light his face as they grew closer because victory was near enough that he could practically taste it and all it would take was four words. 

He found Thor, took his arm and leaned close to his ear. “Go for the head.”

And it was done. When the battle ended, Thanos was defeated, they won. 

They’d done it. 

If only that made it all better.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the battle finished, Peters body gave in. He was in pain and exhausted; he couldn't take any more. 

“We did it.”

Tony nodded beside him, hand coming up to press against Peters shoulder blade and even that small touch hurt. “Yeah, we did.”

Peter tapped the side of his neck, letting his new suit roll his mask back so that he could breathe in the warm Wakandan air. He let out a small laugh, breathy and quiet as his knees began to give out. “Good.” 

He fell, eyes rolling back as his knees buckled. Tony caught him, lowering him to the ground as he looked him over. “Peter? Shit, kid open your eyes.”

 

Peter groaned as Tony wrapped his arms around the kids back, cradling him against his chest and Tony tried again. 

“Wake up, Peter. Come on, you’re freaking me out.” 

The boy was shaking all over, sweat beading on his forehead and his skin was far paler than it should have been. Tony pressed two fingers to the kid's throat, frowning at his rapid, erratic pulse. 

“Stark.” 

Tony turned at the voice, shoulders sagging in relief at the sight of Doctor Strange. “Oh, thank god. You’re a doctor, right? Like a medical doctor? You don’t just call yourself that for the whole image thing?” 

Stephen knelt beside the two, eyebrows creasing in worry. “I’m a real doctor. What’s wrong with him?”

Tony held Peter tighter as the other man reached for him. “I don’t know! Why don’t you find out since that’s your job!”

Dr strange paused, fingers pressed to Peters' throat as he frowned at Tony, who immediately sagged. “Sorry. Thanos crushed his ribs and knocked him around. Just help him. Please.”

Peter shivered again as Stephen gestured to be kids chest. “I need his suit down so I can check his ribs.”

Tony nodded, quickly tapping Peters' chest and watching as it rolled back to his waist. Stephen let out a breath as the sight of the kid but Tony felt sick and turned his face away. Peters' chest was wrapped with red marks and newly developing bruises. 

“I didn’t want him to come. I wanted him to stay back.” 

Stephen raised an eyebrow as his eyes flickered from Peters' chest to Tony’s face and back again. 

“We won because he was here, Tony. When you said he wasn’t your ward you weren’t telling the whole truth were you?”

Dr Strange’s voice was quiet, not accusatory like his words suggested.

Tony didn’t know the man that well but, sitting on the ground, holding Peter as Stephen looked him over, he felt raw and the truth spilt out of him. “He’s not mine. But I feel like he is. When he disappeared; when he...when he died, I fell apart. I won’t let it happen again.”

Stephen’s frown deepened as his eyes widened. “When he died?”

Suddenly, Tony remembered. They changed the timeline. Thanos never won, he never killed half the universe. Or at least for everyone else he hadn’t: for him and Peter he had and it still hurt. 

“Peter and I used the time stone to do over the battle with Thanos. We didn’t win the first time and Thanos used the stones to wipe out half the universe. Peter turned to ash in my arms. I only just got him back today.”

Stephen sighed, shaking his head a little as he thought of the warning he was given the last time he used that green stone. But he didn’t reiterate that message. Instead, he focussed on Peter. 

“He’s probably in shock. It’s too much for his brain and body to handle so it’s shutting down for a while. He should be okay.”

He moved his fingers carefully over the teenager's pale skin, pressing down gently, only easing when Peter moaned and curled back to Tony’s chest.

Tony brushed a hand over those brown curls, pushing them back and frowning down at the boy as he whimpered. “I know, kid. I know. I’m sorry.”

“But I’m going to need equipment to fix this.”

Tony looked down as Stephen gently slipped his hand under Peters' palm, lifting the bruised limb up to inspect. It was swollen, skin split over the knuckles and a distinct change in the shape of the boy's wrist. 

“We’re in Wakanda. They’re sure to have something.”

Stephen nodded and gently lifted the boy's broken arm over his stomach, using the suit to tuck it in place. Peter shivered a little, his chest still exposed to the air, and Stephen’s cloak offered a corner to Tony. 

“Let us carry him. You were in battle too.”

Tony wasn’t sure what to think of the cloak but he was so tired and he knew he wouldn’t be able to carry Peter across the huge fields back to the Wakandan city. 

He nodded and the cloak of levitation gently swept the teenager from his arms, cradling him like a hammock and wrapping around the boy's chest to keep him warm. Tony felt like he was handing over a newborn to a stranger and couldn’t help but grab Peters hand as he, the cloak, and Stephen all walked back together. 

Peter didn’t wake the whole walk there, only squeezing Tony’s hand when the sounds around him got too loud. The infirmary was noisy and full, a mess of patients and doctors rushing around. They’d won the battle but there were still so many people that had been hurt. 

When Thanos had been killed, his followers and their army of aliens retreated, flying away in the same ships they came in. But that solved just one of their many problems. 

They still had to decide what to do with the infinity stones now that they had four of them in their possession. Dr Strange had taken back the time stone to protect but it was too dangerous to have the others on earth. 

But that was a problem for another time. The only thing Tony’s brain had space for at that moment was Peter. 

He watched the cloak lay the boy down on a spare bed, one of few, and took a step back, allowing Stephen to do his thing. 

Tony twisted his hands, pulling at his fingers and running a hand through his hair, anything to keep moving, to keep from reaching for the kid. 

Dr Strange moved quietly, hands expertly caring for the young Avenger. He scanned and x-rayed Peters wrist and ribs before setting and casting the broken arm and lacing an oxygen cannula under the boy's nose. An IV was placed and a blanket tucked over Peter, his arm rested on a pillow. 

“There’s not much else I can do. He just needs time to rest and heal.”

Tony uncrossed his arms and made his way to the bed, taking Peters good hand in his once more. He felt so shaky with the need to stay with him, to hold on to him. “Why did he collapse like that? Why isn’t he waking up yet?”

Stephen sighed, saddened by the sight of someone so young so burdened. “He just fought a war with aliens. In space. It’s a lot to deal with. Give him some time to catch up.”

Tony nodded, watching as Stephen made to leave, stopping him just before he disappeared behind the curtain. “Thank you. For everything.”

Stephen nodded and left, leaving Tony to slump into the chair beside Peter, praying everything would be okay in the morning. 

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“-I know and you can be mad at me for as long as you like just please wait till I get home. I don’t want you anywhere near here...Yes, Pepper I am aware that I’m not the boss of you...I’ll fly home as soon as Peter wakes up. I’m taking him with me...No, not yet. I’ll call her once we’ve finished.”

Tony's voice filtered through Peters awareness like water slowly trickling into a stream, soft and calming. But that ended pretty quick. 

Adrenaline suddenly shot through the teenager as his mind flickered through his memories from the day before. The battle, Thanos, coming back from the dead. Was he dead again? Why was it dark? 

Peters' eyes flew open as he sucked in a gasp, shooting up in bed. Everything was bright and clean, tubes stuck in his arms and under his nose and he yanked them off, ignoring the pain as he pushed off the mattress to his feet. 

Tony jumped at the sudden noise and movement from the previously sleeping boy and he dropped his phone, rushing over to catch the kid as his legs buckled. Peters' chest slammed against his, arms flailing before settling as Tony wrapped him up in a hug. 

“Woah, slow down, kid.”

Peter gasped against him, hands and mind struggling to grasp anything solid. “I’m...am I-?”

Tony held him tight, one hand buried in Peters' hair at the back of his head while his other rubbed smoothly over his back. “You’re okay. Everything’s okay, Pete. You’re right here with me. I got you.”

Peters rapid, ragged breaths began to calm, his good hand curling tight to the back of Tony’s hoodie, his other unable to bend that way with the cast. He sniffled, voice ragged as he turned his head against Tony’s chest, looking at the bulky cast wrapped around his wrist. 

“My hand broke.”

Tony huffed out a surprised laugh and leaned back, looking over the boy as he sat slumped on the floor in a hospital gown. He let go of him just long enough to pull a blanket down from the bed and wrap it around Peters' shoulders. “Yeah, you punched Thanos pretty heard there, pal. I’m proud of you.”

Peter looked up at those words, eyes wide and wet. “Really?”

Tony smiled, reaching forward to brush his fingers through Peters' hair, smoothing the erratic curls. “Of course. You’re the reason we won, Peter. You saved me and used the time stone. You saved everyone.”

Peter sniffed, rubbing his good hand across his nose. “T-thanks. And thanks for saving me.”

Tony’s smile softened, dropping a little on one side as he rubbed a hand over the kid's arm. “I’m just sorry I couldn't save you the first time.”

Two sets of eyes drifted to the floor before Tony cleared his throat and turned to the phone he dropped on the floor. “Oh, shit Pepper.”

Peter watched Tony pick up the phone, wincing at the loud voice coming from it. “Pep, calm down. I wasn’t ignoring you, Peter woke up and I had to...Yes, I’ll get him on the jet as soon as I know he’s okay enough to fly.”

He winced and Peter fiddled with his cast as Tony closed his eyes and rubbed a tired hand over his forehead. “How many times has she called? ...Okay, I’ll have him call her...yes, I will apologize but you should know I actually tried to send him home so, this isn’t my fault...yes, Pepper. Sorry, Pepper. I love you, too.”

He hung up and sighed, looking exhausted before opening his eyes and handing the phone to Peter. 

“May’s been calling for you. We’ll be flying back today but you should call her.”

Peter took the phone, nodding before Tony gently wrapped his hands around his waist and helped him to his feet, carefully tipping him back to lay in bed. 

“I’ll give you a moment but I’ll be back in ten minutes, okay?”

Peter nodded and Tony tucked him back in before leaving him to it. 

Peter dialled his Aunts number, trying to sort out the timeline in his head. He remembered events differently from how they happened for May because of the changed timeline. For him, it had been...years since he disappeared. But for May it had only been-

“You’ve been gone for two days, Peter! You just jumped off the bus and disappeared!”

Peter groaned, grateful that she didn’t know what actually happened. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“And then I see on the news that the aliens are back! People were hurt, Peter. I thought you were hurt or worse.”

Peter closed his eyes, feeling his chest tighten. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I scared you. I didn’t want to make you worry.” His voice cracked, shoulders trembling as he tried to keep from crying but May noticed anyway, her voice softening. 

“Peter, honey what’s wrong?”

He sniffled, snuggling down into the bed and ignoring the pain from the bruises wrapped around his chest. “I just...I missed you and I hate that I worry you all the time. I don’t mean to.”

May tutted, making soothing noises through the phone and Peter just wished he could hug her. She’d pat his hair like she always did and make him feel safe. 

“Oh, sweetheart, I know. I’m sorry I freaked out and yelled at you. It’s just this superhero stuff...I don’t know how to handle it. You’re in danger all the time and there’s nothing I can do. I hate you being away from me but...You’re growing up. I have to let you make your own choices.”

Peter snickered a little, eyes flicking up to the ceiling. “You really mean that? You’re going to let me do whatever I choose?”

Her voice came back with half a laugh and Peter found himself smiling too. “Of course not! I don’t care how old you are you’re my baby. Now, hurry up and come home so I can hug you and never let go.”

Peter laughed, holding the phone close and shutting his eyes, imagining that he was already there with her, safe and sound at home. “Okay. I will. I love you, May.”

He could hear the smile in her voice. “I love you too, Peter.”

The call ended and Peter put the phone down before looking at his cast and sighing. What was he going to tell her? 

“Hey. Everything okay?” Peter looked up at the voice to see Tony waiting in the doorway. 

“Yeah...no. I don’t know what to say to May about the cast and my ribs and everything. I’m definitely not telling her that I died and I don’t know if I can tell her anything without freaking her out but I don’t want to lie to her anymore.”

Tony nodded, making his way to the bed to sit on the edge of it, hand resting on Peters' knee. “Yeah, I have the same issue with Pepper.”

Peter raised his eyebrows a little, urging Tony on. “I was with her when the battle started. We were talking about our wedding and about kids and then I just left her there waiting. She called me while we were flying away in that alien ship. She was begging me to come back but I said no. I couldn’t.”

Peter hugged his blankets to his chest with his good hand, eyes wide as he listened, captivated by the story. “You had to save the world. What did she say when you called her? What did you say?”

Tony smiled a little at the eagerness in the kid's voice and the way they were sitting, it was as if he were telling Peter a bedtime story. “She was mad but mostly she cried. She was worried and because the battle was in Wakanda and space there wasn’t a lot of information about what was going on. I apologized and made sure she knew everything was okay. But I don’t know how she’s ever going to feel safe and I don’t know how it’s ever going to not feel like I’m abandoning her when I fly off. And if we have kids it’ll be even worse.”

Peter nodded, eyebrows coming down as he thought hard. “That’s how Aunt May feels. After my parents and then Uncle Ben...she worried about me all the time and whenever I lie about something or leave she feels like I’m leaving her all alone. She thinks it's her fault and I don’t know how to tell her that it’s not.”

Tony sighed thumb absentmindedly sweeping back and forth over Peter's knee, comforting the kid without realising he was doing it. “What are we gonna do, bud?”

Peter offered a sympathetic smile as he shrugged. “I have no idea but for the record? I think you’d make a great dad.”

Tony smiled at that, ruffling Peters' hair and making him laugh. “Thanks, bud. Now, how about we get you out of that dress and into some real clothes so, that you can get back to your Aunt?”

Peter playfully smacked Tony's hand away from his hair. “Sure. But it's not a dress. It’s a gown.”

Tony rolled his eyes and slipped his hands behind Peter to ease him back up to sitting. “Guys can wear dresses too, Peter. Come on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry I know the ptsd is coming on slow but I hope you liked it anyway. let me know


	3. Chapter 3

Peter was home. The battle was over. He was safe. 

At least that’s what he kept telling himself. He wished he believed it. 

It was his first night home when Peter screamed himself awake. His heart pounded and his hands shook so badly he didn’t know if they were disappearing again or not. May sprinted to his room, swinging the door open and surging to his bed to wrap him up in her arms. 

“It's okay! You’re okay! Peter, baby, calm down. Breathe, honey.”

She knew the drill, unfortunately, familiar with Peters nightmares but he hadn’t had any in so long. He sobbed, clinging to her as tightly as he could without hurting either of them and May could feel his racing heart where it pressed against her own chest. 

“Peter, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

He shook his head, groaning through his words as his broken ribs complained. “I can’t. You’re not supposed to know.”

Of course, that made her want to know even more. “I’m not supposed to know what? Peter, you’re scared. Let me help. What was your nightmare about?”

He sniffled and pressed his face to her shoulder, closing his eyes as her hands rubbed over his back, calming him down as they rocked.

“The battle. The guy we fought. It’s just memories I wish I didn’t have. I’m okay.”

He pulled back from her and she cupped his face in her hands, brushing his tears away with her thumbs. “No you’re not and that’s alright. Just let me help. You never told me about what happened over there. Why were you in Wakanda? Who were you fighting?”

Peter wanted to tell her, but he knew it would only make her scared. “I don’t want to lie to you but I can’t tell you either. It’s just...not something you’d understand.” 

May looked a little hurt at that but it was true. She didn’t know anything about battles or fighting aliens but she still wanted to help. 

“Do you want to call Tony? Maybe you can talk to him about it? Or Ned?”

Peter thought for a moment before shaking his head and looking up at her instead. “Could we just watch movies and eat popcorn like old times? I missed you.”

May smiled and pulled him back for a snuggle, brushing her hand through his hair. “Of course. You get the blankets and pegs and I’ll get the popcorn.”

Okay, so maybe it was a little weird for a teenager to make a blanket fort with his aunt but it was sort of a Parker family tradition. 

After Peter's parents had left he struggled to feel at home and safe in his changed life. So, May and Ben started making blanket forts for them all to watch movies in. It was small and cosy and whenever he got scared he could just lean back and they’d be right there to hug him and make him feel safe again. 

After Ben died, they’d started the tradition again and Peter thought that he could use a little comfort. 

If only so that he wouldn’t have to tell May that he’d died and was dreaming about it every night. 

But nightmares, bruises and a few broken bones weren’t the only things Peter brought home from his battle in space. Some things had changed. 

He didn’t notice it at first but Peter was not quite as brave as he used to be. Every loud noise made him jump, his shoulders leaping up towards his ears as his heart raced. And his spidey sense was all out of whack too. 

Before the battle, it would tell him if there was someone about to attack or if someone needed help. But now it was like an electric shock raced up his spine when anyone so much as knocked on the door or shut a drawer. 

With his arm in a cast and his ribs still healing, Peter hadn’t been able to go out on patrols and while he missed it, he also wasn’t quite sure he was ready to go out just yet. 

He’d felt what it was like to die, he wasn’t eager to risk it again.

Peter shivered, shaking his head to try and rid his head of those memories. 

“You cold, Petey?” May rubbed his arm with her hand, brushing Peters hands away where he squeezed the tops of his arms. He hadn’t noticed he was doing that. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna go get my hoodie.”

Peter made his way to his room, trying to smile through his breaths that were coming quicker with every step. He shut his door and pulled out his phone, flicking through his contacts until he found the number he wanted. 

He held his phone with his casted hand and squeezed his bicep with the other, tapping his foot against the floor as he waited for the call to be picked up. 

“Pete, hey buddy. What's up?”

Peters breathing slowed almost immediately at the sound of Tony's voice and he closed his eyes, leaning against the wall. “Hey. I was just wondering what happened to…” He almost couldn’t say the name. “Thanos?”

Tony paused before answering. “He’s dead, Pete. You know that.”

Peter shook his head, though he knew Tony couldn’t see. “Yeah, but did you see him? Are you sure? Because what if he’s not really dead or what if he has extra lives like a cat? Because he's an alien. We don’t know what he could-”

Tony interrupted and Peter slowly sank to the floor, his back sliding against the wall as he shifted. “Peter do you know how I know he’s dead?”

Peter shook his head, a tear escaping his eyes though they were squeezed shut. He knew Tony couldn't see him but he didn’t need an answer to continue. 

“Because I thought the same thing. After Thor killed him, after you collapsed in my arms I took you to the infirmary and Dr Strange patched you up. I stayed with you for a while and then I got this voice in my head that wouldn't stop. What if he was still alive? What if he came back and hurt you? So, while you slept I went out and I found the body.”

Peter sat on the ground, breaths deepening as he listened like it was another bedtime story. 

“It was a mess. Thor had driven Stormbreaker right through his fa-” Tony interrupted himself, not wanting to paint such a vivid, macabre picture for the boy. “Anyway, I still worried so, I went back and got Dr Strange. I made him use his portals to send different parts of Thanos to different parts of the universe. He’s not coming back. I promise.”

Peter squeezed his arm tighter, hating the way his voice came out as a moan. “Then why am I still so scared?”

Tony sighed through the phone listening to Peter sniffle and cry. “Aw, buddy. Do you want me to come get you? I can be there in five minutes.”

“Yeah. Please, hurry.”

Even though he couldn’t see him Peter knew Tony was nodding and he squeezed his fingers around the phone. 

“Okay, I’ll be there soon.”

Fear suddenly shot down Peters' spine and his voice leapt out of him without conscious intention. “Don’t hang up!”

Tony’s voice was patient and placating and although Peter felt stupid he was grateful. “Okay, I won’t. I’m going to stay on the line with you until I get there. Is May there? Peter, where are you?”

Peter curled back to the wall, hunching closer to himself. “I’m at home. May’s in the kitchen. I d-don’t want to tell her.”

Peter could hear Tony’s suit firing up through the phone and he felt as if his heart were tugging a string connected to his hero, pulling taught and making it hard to breathe until he got closer to give the line some slack. 

“Okay, it’s alright. I’m coming now. Just keep breathing nice and slow. I’ll be right there.”

Peter did his best to do as Tony had said as he waited but he could feel that string between them pulling and pulling and he just wanted him to be there already. 

He was quick, as promised and as soon as the door swung open Peter launched himself at the hero. 

“I got you. You’re okay, Pete. Everything’s okay.”

Tony held him tight, feeling Peter tremble against him and though he wouldn’t admit it, he felt better having the kid in his arms. He’d been feeling anxious since they’d come home, fighting the need to check up on the kid every five minutes. 

He shouldn't have been surprised that the teenager had called him before he could, but he was. Surprised and glad. Which made it easier to answer Peters next question. 

“Can you stay tonight? I don’t want to be by myself.”

Tony looked up to where May was watching worriedly at the door. She nodded. She had to go to work but she hadn’t wanted Peter alone either, not when something was so clearly bothering him. 

Tony nodded, gently pulling the teenager back to look at him. “Of course. I’ll stay as long as you need me. I just need to talk to your aunt for a minute. Is that okay?”

Peter nodded, feeling pathetic for having clung to his mentor so tightly. He pulled his hands back and watched Tony leave, his hand clamping down on his bicep again as he shivered. 

Tony closed the door to Peters bedroom as he followed May to the kitchen, away from any super ears. 

She looked uncharacteristically nervous, her eyes repeatedly flickering back to Peters door like she was worried he was going to hear and come out to stop her. “He didn’t want to tell me and I want to respect his privacy but I’m worried about him. What happened in Wakanda? What happened to Peter?”

Tony’s eyes fell to the floor. She didn’t know Peter had been to space. She might have if she’d turned on the news but every time Peter saw anything to do with the battle he began to panic. The footage of Spiderman clinging to the side of the space doughnut was grainy but it was obvious who the hero was. And Tony wasn't going to tell her. 

“May…” What the hell was he supposed to say? Your nephew died in my arms, crying and terrified and it took me years to bring him back. 

“The guy we were fighting...he was the real deal. He’s the one that sent Loki with the chitauri attack. He was trying to wipe out half the universe and we stopped him. Peter is actually a big part of why we were able to win but he was knocked down and that panic, that weight on your shoulders when the universe depends on you...that doesnt go away overnight. He just needs time.”

May’s eyes were growing wet and her voice was unsteady. Tony didn’t know what to do with the panic in her words. “I know he went into space, Tony.”

Okay, maybe she had seen the news. 

“Something bad happened didn’t it?”

Tony couldn't look her in the eyes. He couldn't lie. “Yes. But it’s all over now. He’s safe.”

May shook her head and Tony looked up at her again as she squared her shoulders, shoving her own feelings away to think of her nephews. “But he doesn’t feel safe. He told me I wouldn't understand what he was going through and he’s right. And as much as I want to hold him and never let him go, he needs you right now.”

May looked sad to say it but did anyway. “Maybe, it's best if he stays with you for a little while. The compounds safe and secure and he’ll feel better knowing you’re there when he needs you.”

Tony took her hand and squeezed it gently, waiting for her eyes to meet his before he spoke. “Just because he needs me doesnt mean he doesnt need you. He loves you, May.”

She nodded, sniffling and blinking her tears away. “I know. Thank you for saying that. I still want to see him every day but...if this is what helps him then this is what we’ll do.”

Tony smiled as she squeezed his hand back. “You can come over for dinner every night. I’ll cook.”

May returned his smile. She hadn’t liked him at first but it was clear that Tony only wanted what was best for Peter, just like she did. 

“Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this one!! Let me know!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad you guys (and gals and nonbinary pals) are liking this! I really like writing this one so I'm so happy when I get nice comments. Keep them coming please this ones my fav chapter so I hope you like it

“But what if I say something stupid?” Peter lifted his arm out of the way as Tony pulled his seatbelt across his chest for him, his cast making it too difficult to do on his own. 

“You won’t.”

The belt clicked and Tony shut Peters door before moved to the other side of the car, slipping into the driver's seat. 

“What if they don’t want to be friends with a teenager? They could make fun of me.”

Tony smiled, trying not to laugh as he pulled the car away from the curb. “The Avengers aren’t going to bully you, Peter. You’ll do great.”

Peters' eyes turned to the window, watching the buildings race past as they made their way to the compound. He’d fought with the Avengers before, of course, but he’d never met them as anyone but Spider-Man and he was nervous. 

His hand came up to squeeze the seat belt where it crossed over his chest, voice small in the quiet car. 

“What if they don’t like me?”

Tony’s hand left the steering wheel to ruffle Peters hair, drifting back to scratch soothingly at the back of the teenager's neck. He’d seen May do it to calm the kid and he was glad to see Peters' shoulders relax at his touch. “How could they not like you? 

“I don’t know.” He slumped against the window, the dimming glow of the sun lighting up his curls and washing his face in gold. 

Tony shook his head. “You’re letting your anxiety get the better of you. Tell it to mind its own business.”

Peter laughed at that, the sound bubbling from him in surprise. “What?”

Tony smiled, loving that sound as he waved a hand. “I’m serious. Whenever your anxiety gets too loud and won't shut up, tell it to go away. It’s talking shit so tell it off.”

He looked at Peter, waiting and Peter snickered. “Fine. Anxiety, leave me alone.”

Tony wiggled his eyebrows. “Insult it.”

Peter shook his head, feeling silly. “Are you serious? You’re messing with me, right?”

Tony was adamant, his smile softening his words. “No way. It’s what I do with my anxiety. You can’t let it bully you, Peter. Make it your bitch.”

Peter tried his best, words rippled with laughter. “Anxiety, you’re stupid and I’m the boss of you. How's that?”

“Meaner.”

Peter puffed his chest out and furrowed his brows pointing a finger as if he were telling someone off. “Anxiety, shut your bubblegum-dumb-dumb looking ass the fuck up.”

Tony laughed, slapping his hand against the steering wheel. “There you go!”

Peter giggled, feeling far better than he had since before the entire Thanos debacle. “Thanks, Mr Stark.”

It was a nice moment, the quiet car feeling like a safe little bubble away from all of Peter's troubles, if only for a moment. But bubbles pop and Peter jumped in fright, his spidey senses warning him a moment before the car behind them hit against their bumper. 

“Goddammit. Are you serious?” Tony turned in his seat to glare at the other driver through the back window but Peter was frozen.

It was just a little jolt of the car, the muffled ‘thock’ of one car bumping into another but it was like a switch had gone off in Peters mind.

His heart was racing from the mini-collision and his brain suddenly registered the orange glow of the sunset in front of him, transporting him somewhere else. 

The Soul Stone.

:::::::::::::::::::::

Tony pulled out his phone with one hand, his other on the door handle, about to talk to the driver of the car that just hit them. But a mumble stopped him, small and afraid, falling from Peters' mouth. 

“Not again.”

Tony let go of the handle, turning to the teenager as he stared out the windshield. “Kid? You okay? It was just a little bump, you’re alright.”

Peter didn't look at him. In fact, it didn’t look like he knew Tony was there at all. His eyes were wide and blank, the orange glow of the sunset making them look more golden than brown. He whispered again, this time with a whimper to follow. 

“We beat him. He’s dead. It’s supposed to be over.”

Tony shoved his phone back into his pocket, car troubles forgotten as he reached for the young hero beside him. “It is over. Peter, what’s wrong?”

The kid's eyes were wide in fright, eyes filling with tears that slowly began to drip down his cheeks, bottom lip trembling. Tony’s heart filled with dread as Peter hiccuped. 

“I don’t want to be here again. I don’t want to be alone.”

Panic crawled its way into Tony’s chest and gripped his lungs tight. “You’re not alone! I’m right here! Peter, look at me.”

His voice didn’t seem to make any impact and although Peter was beginning to shake, he didn’t react to the beeping horns of cars waiting for them to move or the voice of the rear-ender at Tony’s window. 

“Sir. Do you want to exchange insurance infor-oh, my god. You’re Tony Stark.”

Tony waved a hand, yelling out the window as he hastily steered the car onto the side of the road. “No need! Just drive on! The crash is on me!”

Cars manoeuvred around them until Tony had parked, away from the oncoming traffic, muttering reassurances to Peter the whole way. “Okay, you’re okay. We’re okay.”

Tears dripped off Peters chin to splatter over his cast where it sat in his lap and Tony quickly turned off the car before pulling out his phone again. “I’m gonna get help, alright?”

He barely looked down at his phone as his fingers flew over the screen finding the number he needed. 

Peters breaths were beginning to sound like wheezes and Tony was grateful when his call was picked up. 

“Tony, where a-”  
He interrupted, trying not to add his own panic to the mix of things. “Bruce, somethings wrong with Peter and I don’t know what to do!”

Peter’s crying picked up in speed and volume at Tony's loud, panicked voice and he quickly smoothed his voice out. “I’m sorry, Pete. Everything's okay. We’re nice and calm.”

Bruce brought Tony back to the phone in his hand, voice kind and focussed. “What happened?”

Tony tried to keep his voice slow and controlled but he was freaking out and he didn’t know how much longer he could hold back a panic attack. “We were driving and everything was fine but we got into a little fender bender and Peter started freaking out. He’s just sitting there, shaking and crying and I don’t even think he knows I’m here.”

Peter whimpered again, words continuing to tumble from his mouth and Tony felt like crying himself. 

“Come find me, Mr Stark, please. I want to go home.”

Tony squeezed the phone in his hand, words threatening to break as he said them. “I’m right here, Pete.”

Bruce’s voice was back at his ear and Tony focussed on it. “Is he saying anything? Does it kind of seem like he thinks he’s somewhere else?”

Tony nodded, eyes stuck on the tears dripping from Peters' chin. “Yeah. What do I do?”

Bruce sighed, sounding much calmer than Tony felt. Thank god someone knew what to do. “Okay, it sounds like he’s having a flashback. Don’t touch him without his permission, just keep talking to him. Call his name, let him know he’s safe and help ground him in the here and now.”

Tony took a breath to centre himself and worked to keep his voice smooth and slow. “Peter, you’re safe. You’re sitting with me in the car. We were driving to the compound and another car bumped into us. Everything’s fine so, we’re just going to wait until you feel better. Peter? You hearing me?”

Peter sniffled his head nodding just a little and Tony felt hope loosen the claw of panic around his chest. “Good. That’s good, buddy.”

Bruce spoke up again. “Try getting him to focus on what's around him. Try to involve him in his surroundings so, take him for a little walk or get him to move around. Even chewing gum or drinking water can help.”

Tony put the phone on speaker and sat it in the centre console before opening his car door. “I’m going to get out and go to your side. Peter, I’m not leaving. I’ll be right back.”

The boy’s shoulders heaved, words strained and pleading. “Don’t leave me here.”

Tony clenched his teeth and got out, racing over to Peters side and carefully opening the door, not wanting to scare him. 

He knelt on the grass outside Peters door, offering a hand. “Peter, do you want to come for a little walk with me? Take my hand.”

But Peters' eyes didn’t move from the orange glow of the sunset, his terrified eyes stuck as he shivered. “I can’t. I can’t find you.”

Tony clenched a hand into a fist, squeezing until his knuckles turned white because it wasn’t fair. Peter was a hero, he’d saved the world and this was his reward? 

One breath in, one breath out. Tony reached out his hand again. “Peter, can I touch you? I’ll help you find me.”

Peter nodded, crying hiccups making his chest jump with each inhale. Tony moved slowly, reaching out a hand to Peters' face to turn his eyes to him. He smiled, catching Peters gaze with his own. 

“There you are, Pete. You see me?”

Peter’s wide eyes were clearing a little as he nodded, looking surprised to see his mentor at his side. He still looked scared, cheeks flushed pink beneath the tear tracks, but there was a spark of recognition in his eyes and he held out his shaky hands for Tony to take. The tips of his fingers were cold as Tony took them gently in his warm ones.

“Good job! Let’s get out of the car and go for a little walk, okay?” He tugged on Peters' hands, pulling him to his feet and out of the car. His eyes were stuck on Tony now, feet shuffling forward over the grass, slow and clumsy as if he were just waking up from a nap. 

Tony’s smile and familiar eyes calmed Peters breaths while the warm, rough hands holding Peters helped pull him back down to earth. 

“You can really smell the grass out here, huh? See the grass, Pete?”

Peter kept his slow feet moving along as Tony pulled his across the grass and Peter looked down at it, the green blades soft beneath his sneakers. He looked back up to the mechanic in front of him and suddenly as if he’d finally landed, he was back in the present. He could feel the lumpy ground beneath him and the cool breeze as it ruffled his hair. He blinked and stopped walking, looking around as if it were the first time he was seeing everything. 

Tony watched him, hope brightening his voice. “Pete? You back with me, buddy?”

Peter nodded and Tony let go of one of his hands, reaching up to the kids face slow enough that if he didn’t want to be touched he could pull away. When he didn’t, Tony gently wiped his face. 

 

“You okay?”

Peter didn’t answer the question, instead choosing to ask his own as he curled into himself, shoulders bunching up to his ears. “What happened? I was back in…”

Tony waited a moment, hoping Peter would tell him where the flashback took him but he didn't finish his sentence, just shivered and squeezed Tony’s hand where it still held his. 

“Bruce said it might have been a flashback. Do you want to talk about it?”

Peter quickly shook his head and clumsily wiped his face with the fingers of his casted hand, voice sullen. “I didn’t like it.”

Tony sighed, exhausted. “Yeah, me neither.” 

The kid was looking so sad and worn out, he couldn't help but ask. “You want a hug?”

Peter immediately nodded, looking up at Tony through his eyelashes, the full force of his puppy eyes melting Tony in an instant. “Come here.”

Peter pressed himself to his hero's chest, Tony hugging him tight and rubbing his hands over the boys back. “I got you, Spider-Baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you think?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long I've been having a bit of a rough week/year but anyway I hope this is okay

They parked, finally and Tony turned to look at Peter where he was sleeping in the back seat, hoodie pulled up over his head. He was snoring softly, worn out from his day full of panic attacks and flashbacks. God, what was he going to do? 

Tony didn't want to wake him up, he deserved a sleep. He only hoped it would be nightmare free this time. 

Happy came down and took Peters bags from the boot while Tony pulled the kid from the back. Peter barely woke as Tony pulled him into his arms, carrying him inside the compound. 

He’d told the Avengers they’d be having a new guest but he’d been planning on a big reveal, letting Peter meet his heroes and getting to show off how amazing the kid was. But his plans had changed and he walked in, Peter's head on his shoulder and arms around his neck, still sound sleep. 

Steve spoke first, surprise written all over his face. “Woah, Tony I didn’t know you-”

Clint finished for him, standing from his seat at the table, displacing Natasha's feet from his lap as he did. “I didn’t know you had a kid. And you gave me shit for hiding mine!” His hushed voice was coloured with betrayal as he crossed his arms. 

Tony frowned, hand rubbing over Peters back without a thought. “He’s not my kid. I mean...kind of...Biologically, he’s not mine. Look, we can talk about this tomorrow. I need to get him into bed.”

He turned, making his way to the kid's room, soft voices of the Avengers fading behind him. He’d set up Peters own room so long ago it was almost embarrassing but Tony was glad it was ready as he lowered the boy into his bed. Peter mumbled a few unintelligible words and rolled on his side as Tony tucked him in. “Good night, kid.”

::::::::

“If he’s not yours, which I’m still not believing by the way, then where did you get him?”

“Did you find a kid you liked and just adopt him? That’s not how it’s supposed to work.”

“Please tell me you didn’t kidnap him.”

“We’re all out of milk.”

All Avenger's eyes went to Thor where he stood at the fridge, peering in with absolutely no regard for what was going on. Tony ignored him and tried his best to address everyone's questions. 

“His names Peter. He’s seventeen and...Look, he didn’t want you guys to know this until you got to know him because he thinks you’re going to hate him for the whole, fight in an airport parking lot thing but...he’s Spider-Man. I recruited him a while ago.”

More than one mouth fell open, eyes wide and Tony sighed, preparing himself for the onslaught of-

“YOU RECRUITED A KID AND MADE HIM FIGHT THE AVENGERS?”

“I hit him! Oh my god, I dropped a- dammit, Tony!”

Honestly, he was too tired to listen to any of it and he rubbed a hand over his eyes and let them tire themselves out with questions and accusations.

He didn’t even bother looking up until someone, Tony didn’t even register who, said something that made him nauseous. “What if he had died?”

Tony glared at them all, voice hard. “I gave him the suit to protect him! I watched over him, I sent him home, I tried to keep him away but I can’t save him from everything!”

The voices stopped and Tony smoothed out his jacket, pressing out the wrinkles formed when he’d carried Peter. His voice was quiet and low, betraying just how tired he was.

“He’s going through a lot right now and I’d really just appreciate it if you could get along with him. He looks up to you and he saved all your lives in that stupid battle with Thanos so just...do whatever he wants and shut up about it.”

He turned and left without another word, the room silent. 

:::::::::::::::::

The world was lit up in amber, or no, not the world. The stone and the realm within it. 

He was trapped again and he was going to be for the rest of his life. And that’s only if souls died. 

What if he was stuck there forever? What if Mr Stark never came for him?

Something bumped into Peter, disturbing his thoughts, and as he looked towards it all he could see were lights, glowing and humming like energy running through a current. 

There were so many of them, all floating around, bumping into each other. Some of them had voices, growing louder with each added soul being pulled into the stone. Is that what they were? Souls?

The voices grew louder, some sobbing, others screaming, all of them begging for release. They didn’t belong there, trapped in a strange new world that they hadn’t gotten to choose. 

Peter bumped into another light and sent his hands out to push them away only to find that he didn’t have hands or a body for that matter. He was nothing but a ball of light like all the others.

:::

Peter gasped awake, grabbing for his blankets as his heart raced, panic gripping every muscle tight. He felt as if he couldn't move, sitting there in the dark as his eyes adjusted. 

His senses told him he was alone but that the environment around him was not one he knew. He pulled his legs to his chest, wrapping an arm around his aching chest as his panic turned into concentration. He needed to figure out where he was and if he was safe before panicked. Panicking could come later. 

The room wasn’t familiar, he could tell that much when he didn’t feel the wall at his side. The bed was also much bigger than his at home, and comfier. Where was he? His breaths were finally calming, only to jump again at the disembodied voice that floated through the room. 

“Mr Parker, are you alright?”

It took a moment for the teenager to realise that it was an AI talking and not a ghost or demon as his wild imagination suggested. 

“Friday?” He knew about Tony’s AI but he’d never really talked to her before. 

“Hello, Peter. It’s nice to meet you. Are you alright?”

Peter relaxed, chest heaving out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Yeah. I’m okay. Just a nightmare.”

He laid back in the bed, realising that he was in the compound, safe and sound. He’d never been there before and he had no idea where in the building he was now. “Hey, Friday? Where am I exactly?”

Her voice was warm and kind as she answered and Peter felt much better. “You are in your bedroom in the Avengers compound. Mr Stark is in his room down the hall.”

Peter blushed a little, pulling his blankets up to his chin at the fact that Friday had known exactly what he meant without him having to say it. He felt better knowing where Tony was. She carried on. “If you need him, just let me know and I’ll alert him right away. You can ask for anything that you may need.”

Peter smiled in the dark. “Thanks.”

It was quiet for a moment as Peters' eyes roamed around the room, taking in every dimly lit detail. His bed was in the middle of the large room, the headboard pressed against one wall. He had a nightstand on his left side and a desk against the wall on his right, with bookshelves and a wardrobe lining the wall in front of him. It was so fancy and likely very expensive but the most surprising thing was that the shelves were full. Full of books and tech and tools and Peter could even see that the wardrobe had clothes sitting on shelves and hung on racks, with shoes neatly lined on the bottom shelf. 

Mr Stark had made Peter a home and he’d never known. 

He felt really bad about turning down his offer of becoming an Avenger now. Not just because it turned out to have been a real offer but because Mr Stark had obviously put a lot of effort into his room and must have been excited. Peter would have to thank him in the morning. 

Friday spoke up again, voice quiet due to the late hour. “Peter? Aren’t you going to sleep? It’s two in the morning.” Huh, the early hour then.

He thought about it, he was tired after all, but the thought of slipping back into the same nightmare he’d just woken out of made him shudder and he quickly sat up, shaking his head. 

“No. I think I’ll stay up for a bit and look around. Is that okay?”

“That is okay. You are permitted to do whatever you wish here, Peter. Mr Stark has given you full access to the compound and all its facilities. I think you’d enjoy the pool most. Or perhaps the kitchen.”

That sounded good. But Peter didn’t really feel comfortable exploring when the Avengers could be lurking about. “Thanks, but I think I’ll stay in here for now.”

If Friday had a head she would have nodded, but since she didn’t she merely stayed quiet. Peter flipped his blankets off and lowered his feet to the plush carpet, only to pause as he thought of something. 

“Hey, Friday? Don’t tell Mr Stark that I didn’t sleep, okay? And don’t tell him about the nightmare.”

The AI sounded apologetic as Peter flicked on the lamp where it sat on his nightstand. “I cannot go against the bosses orders. I will not offer the information but if he asks I will tell him.”  
Peter shook his head a little as if shaking off the words. “That’s fine.” Hopefully Mr Stark wouldn’t ask. 

The teenager stood from the bed, being careful of his ribs and made his way through the room. He wanted to check out everything and since he wasn’t sleeping, he had the time. Peter didn’t have any more nightmares that night, but he was anything but restful.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

“Tony, we have to talk about what's going on with Peter.”

Tony groaned. He was so tired. He’d just put Peter to bed and now Bruce wanted to talk about something that Tony really didn’t want to talk about. But he didn’t say any of that because he knew Bruce was right. 

“I know. I don’t know what to do with him.”

The scientist took a seat beside his friend, leaning his elbow on Tony’s desk. “The nightmares and the flashbacks; they’re signs of-”

“I know.” He hadn’t meant for his words to be so hard and he tried again, softer. “I know. And May said he’s been extra jumpy, that he’s never really relaxed. He doesn’t feel safe anymore.”

Bruce sighed, not wanting to say it either. “If he has PTSD he needs treatment. Preferably sooner rather than later. He needs ways to cope with this so that he can heal.”

Tony picked up his glass and swirled the ice around, eyes feeling heavier and heavier with each sip. With any luck it would put him right to sleep, the dark alcohol doing its job to keep the nightmares away. 

“There’s no cure for dying, doc. You and I both know that.”

He threw another mouthful back, the burn down his throat barely registering anymore. 

Bruce sounded as tired as Tony felt. “Yeah. I do. But Peters too young and too strong to let this be the thing that ends him. And we’re going to make sure of it.”

Tony’s mind was getting to be comfortably numb thanks to the whiskey in his hand and he didn’t know how exactly he was going to help the little spider but that sure sounded like a plan. And a plan he could follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i havent written in like a week and a half but ill try to post again soon


	6. Chapter 6

Peter stayed awake till morning, reading the books on his shelves and playing with the tech stuff Tony had laid out for him to tinker with. He was so focused on his task that he didn’t notice the footsteps coming towards him down the hall. 

“Pete?” The voice was accompanied by a knock at the door and Peter flinched, dropping his tools to the desk.

The knocking paused at the loud clatter and Mr Stark called again. “Pete, are you awake? Can I come in?”

“Yeah, come in.”

Peter turned in his desk chair, smiling as Mr Stark walked in. “Hey, bud. How’d you sleep?”

A little voice in Peter's head told him to tell the truth but Tony would be so disappointed. He’d frown and his voice would lower like it did whenever Peter did something he wasn’t supposed to. So instead, Peter lied. 

“Good. I guess I was worn out from yesterday because I didn’t have any nightmares.” Liar. 

Tony raised his eyebrows, a smile lighting up his face. He looked relieved. “That’s good! That’s real good, Pete. Well, since you’re so well rested do you think you want to come and meet everyone?”

Peters anxiety from the day before suddenly returned in a rush but he nodded anyway. He’d been practising things to say all night. 

Tony reached out a hand, about to lead Peter into the hallway when he paused, noticing his change of clothes. “Looking good. Did you like everything?”

Peter nodded emphatically, nervous hands tugging on the hem of his new sweater. “Yeah, everything’s amazing! Thank you so much!”

He felt guilty taking such a huge present from his mentor but Tony looked genuinely pleased that Peter liked everything. “You’re welcome. Now, come on. We have to get you introduced to everyone.”

Peter didn’t remember arriving at the compound or walking through the halls they were in and his wide eyes soaked up every detail. “Hey, Mr Stark? How did I get to my room? I don’t remember anything past the car ride.”

Tony led him to a wide kitchen that opened into a dining area and lounge as he answered. “You fell asleep in the car. I carried you in.”

Peters' cheeks flushed red at that but he didn’t have time to think about it as Tony pulled him forward, calling out to the others. “Everyone, I’d like you to meet Peter Parker, AKA Spider-Man.”

The Avengers were all spread over various areas of the space, some at the breakfast table, some on the couches. Their faces all turned to Peter, curious and inviting. 

“Hey, nice to meet you, Peter. I’m Steve and this is-“

Tony rolled his eyes and stepped around the first Avenger to get to the muffins on the counter. “He knows who you are, Cap. He knows who you all are.”

Peter nodded and thrust his hand out, squaring his shoulders as he looked up at the man in front of him. “Yes, Sir. I know who you are. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Steve took his hand and shook it, smiling. “That’s a tight grip there, son.”

Peters' eyes blew wide as he nodded, quickly easing his hold on Steve’s hand but it was hard to concentrate when your mind was screaming. ‘He called me son!’

“Yes, Mr Rogers Sir. Sorry, it’s my powers and I’m just nervous and excited and-“

Sam laughed quietly as he extended a hand to Peter. “Chill out kid. Save some of your enthusiasm for the rest of us.”

Peter let go of Steve’s hand and took Sam’s, working on keeping his grip firm but not crushing. “I actually don’t know your name, sorry Sir but it is an honour to meet you!”

Sam’s smile disappeared, replaced with a look of absolute defeat. His voice was tired as he replied. “My names Sam.”

Peter shook his hand for far too long, still smiling. “You were the guy with the wings! Sorry, I beat you up.”

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed over his eyes and he laughed. “You didn’t beat me up. And my hero name is Falcon.”

Peter blushed again and finally released Sam’s hand. “Sorry, Mr Falcon.”

Sam smiled and went back to his breakfast as the rest of the Avengers came and said hello to Peter. 

He was excited to meet all of them, of course, but he didn’t get really excited until Bruce walked towards him, smiling. “Hi, Peter. It’s nice to meet you. Tony’s told me a lot about you. I hear you’re a man of science.”

Peters' eyes blew wider than should be possible, and he bobbed his head in a frantic nod. “Yes, Sir! I’m on my school's decathlon team and I specialise in physics. I mean, I use them all the time with the swinging around and stuff. I just want to say, I’m a huge fan Dr Banner Sir. We studied your work on anti-electron collisions in class and it was amazing!”

Bruce looked genuinely pleased and a little surprised. Tony slapped a friendly hand on his back as he blushed, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Oh, thank you. I didn’t know they taught about that in high school.”

Peter blushed a little, eyes flickering to the floor as he mumbled. “Well, they didn’t really. It was for a project. We had to do a presentation on our scientific heroes and...I chose you.”

The little arachnid peeked up to see Bruce looking surprised, a smile slowly blooming across his face. He nodded and pulled at the bottom of his shirt as Tony patted his shoulder, stuffing a waffle into his mouth as he spoke. “I told you he was a nerd.”

Peter couldn't believe he’d just met all of the Avengers. He’d dreamed about that moment for so long and now it all seemed so anticlimactic. There he was, meeting his heroes and they were all just...eating breakfast in their pyjamas. It was weird, seeing superheroes so...human and normal. But it was also nice.

“Come and have some breakfast, I know you have a big appetite. You should sit with Thor and Cap, they have black holes for stomachs too.”

Tony led him over to the two blondes as they sat at the table, laughing about something as they ate. Peter had already been introduced to them and Thor swung out an arm to usher Peter into his seat next to him. 

“Come, sit down. There’s plenty of food here. Tony tells me you like to eat.”

Peter nodded as Steve pushed a plate of pancakes towards him and Peter gratefully took a fork, keeping his bulky cast on his lap under the table. “Yeah, my enhanced strength burns a lot of calories plus I think I’m going through a growth spurt but I don’t know if that's my powers or just...you know.”

Steve shook out his newspaper, nodding solemnly. “Your bodies changing, I know how that feels.”

Peter couldn’t help but laugh at his words and the way they mirrored the rapping with Cap videos. “Yeah, we had to watch that video you did, at school.”

The newspaper was suddenly yanked down revealing Steve’s wide eyes and almost scared face but he didn’t have a chance to say anything before Tony appeared at his shoulder, smiling widely at Peter.

“Um, excuse me. What videos?”

Peter covered his pancakes in syrup and butter as he answered, more Avengers gathering around as he spoke. “You know, those ‘rappin with Cap’ videos they make us watch? They have ones for gym and health and cooking and all that. Plus they make you watch one in detention but it's always the same one. I’ve seen it like twelve times.”

Sam laughed around a bite of an apple as he pulled out his phone. “Are they on the internet? I have to see these.”

Peter felt a little bad for spilling Steve’s secret as the captain dropped his paper and pressed a hand over his eyes, sighing. 

“Was I not supposed to say anything? Sorry, Captain Rogers.”

Natasha peered over Sams' shoulders as the overly American music played through his phone, Tony immediately laughing when Steve’s voice could be heard. 

‘Hi, I’m Captain America. I love celebrating this great nation on the fourth of July but trust me, there’s nothing patriotic about illegal fireworks. So, just remember, if you’re on fire; stop, drop and roll. One more time, say it with me now!”

Steve shook his head, embarrassed as everyone in the kitchen simultaneously called out. “Stop, drop and roll!”

Bucky smacked a hand on Steve’s shoulder, laughing so hard he looked like he was about to cry. “How many of those did you do? When did you do them? And why?”

Steve looked so tired as he looked over at Peter. “They’re never going to let this go.”

Peter was about to apologize again when Thor started talking to him, unbothered by the videos the others were still watching. “So, you’re a half spider? Was it your mother or your father that was-”

Peter almost dropped his fork as he shook his head. “Oh! No, they didn’t- I got bitten by a spider and it gave me powers. My parents were both humans.”

Thor nodded, shoving a spoonful of fruit loops in his mouth. “My parents were both gods.”

Peter smiled, questions pouring out of him. “That’s so cool! Is flying fun or does it kinda make you nauseous? Is it cold up there? What does the lightning feel like?”

Thor smiled, speaking around another mouthful of cereal. “Flying is incredible. It makes you feel powerful and mighty! It’s not cold, I have my cape but the first time I flew I did throw up. I was nine.”

He stretched a hand out and wiggled his fingers, sparking electricity across his palm. “As for the lightning…”

Peter watched eagerly, only for Tony to ruin their fun, scolding Thor and lacing a glass of milk in front of Peter. “Buddy, we’ve talked about this. No lightening inside.”

Thor closed his hand, snuffing out the electricity running across his skin. “Oh, right. Sorry.”

Tony left and Thor leaned towards Peter, voice low. “Last time I accidentally blew a hole in the ceiling. But it’s okay, Stark made it into a skylight.”

Peter nodded, laughing at the big guy's antics. He was much different than Peter had thought. He was...softer. 

Peter ate his pancakes as Thor ate his cereal while the other Avengers teased Steve for his videos and all was right for the world. Sure, Peter flinched every time someone made too big of a noise and his spider senses were on edge with so many people in one room but he was having fun.

For a little while. Of course, it had to end sometime. 

After breakfast, the Avengers went to train but since Peters broken hand and ribs were still healing he was in his room to start on his homework. He’d just gotten through the second page of chemistry when there was a soft knock at his door. He ignored his own small flinch at the noise and squeezed a hand around the top of his arm.

“Come in.”

Tony and Bruce walked in at his call, hands folded behind them as they watched the teenager nervously. 

He dropped his pencil back to the desk and turned to them, wary. “What is it?”

Tony spoke first, taking a seat on the edge of Peters bed. “First off...Your cast can come off tomorrow but secondly buddy, we need to talk about what happened on the car ride up here.”

Peters eyes flickered from Tony to Bruce and back again, a frown forming on his face as he shook his head. “No, we don’t. It was embarrassing but it's over now.”

Tony looked over to Bruce for help, the doctor pressing his hands together as he explained. “Peter, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. After what you’ve been through it's only natural that there would be some...lasting effects.”

Anxiety flooded Peters mind and his hand lifted to his bicep without him even realising, squeezing hard as he looked to his heroes. “What are you talking about?”

Tony stood from the bed, eyebrows coming down over his eyes in concern as he reached for Peters' hand, tugging it down from his arm. “This! This is what we’re talking about. Pete, you jumped in your seat every time someone laughed too loud or walked past you during breakfast. You squeeze your arm so much you’re getting bruises.”

Peter looked down, only just noticing the dark finger marks wrapped around his bicep. He didn’t know he’d been squeezing so hard, or so often. He didn’t know that Tony had noticed any of it. 

Tony looked pained, kneeling so that he could look up at the teenager, hands holding Peters as he implored him. “Why do you keep squeezing your arm?”  
Peter didn’t want to tell him, it’s not like he’d meant to do it. His voice was quiet but he could see the hurt in Tony’s eyes at his words. “I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t disappearing anymore.” 

Tony dropped his head, a shaky sigh falling from his mouth as he squeezed Peters' hands. “Kid…” he lifted his face, voice shaking just a little. “You aren’t going to disappear, ever again. You’re safe, I promise you that. That’s why we need to talk. You can’t stay scared like this.”

Bruce moved closer, watching Peter closely as he spoke, words careful and hesitant. “Peter, we think you’re suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and if you are we need to get you some treatment.”

The anxiety began to claw at Peters' chest and his breaths quickened bottom lip wobbling. “I don’t want to-”

Tony squeezed his hands again, pulling the kid's attention back to him. “Peter, you went through something awful It never should have happened and I’m sorry...I’m sorry I couldn't save you sooner. But now you’re safe and you need to feel that way.”

Peter squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting to face either of them. “I can’t- I don’t want to talk about. I don’t even want to think about it. I just want to forget it ever happened.”

Tony wanted more than anything for Peter to truly forget it all. “That’s not how it works, buddy. I’m sorry.”

Peter shook his head as he began to tremble panic settling in and making his chest ache as his breaths came too fast. He couldn't talk about what happened, he couldn't even bear to think about that awful soul stone. 

“No, I can’t. Please don’t make me. I- I can’t! It hurts too much!”

Tony let go of the boy's hand to pull him into his arms instead, holding him tight and rubbing his hands over his shaking back. “It's okay. You’re okay. You don't have to do anything you don’t want to, Pete. I got you.”

Tony turned just enough to meet eyes with Bruce. How were they going to help Peter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long to post I honestly thought I already had. more coming soon but I just started a new job (first time working in two years whoo!) so I may not be updating as often but i'll do my best
> 
> and please let me know what you think sorry if its ooc


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like this!

Peter knew that denial wasn’t the healthiest option when dealing with trauma but when the thought of speaking about what happened has the power to send you into a panic attack denial is the safest option. 

He also knew that the longest a human had gone without sleep was eleven days but he wasn’t a normal human and he’d only held out for three. So far.

Yes, he was exhausted and yes, he was pretty sure his powers were glitching out and his socks were permanently stuck to his feet but he hadn’t had any nightmares. And that was a win in Peters book.

He was sure Tony had to have said something to the Avengers because they had been acting differently around him. More careful and quiet, like he was something fragile. Maybe he was. 

Peter adjusted his goggles and picked up the welding torch again as Tony pointed to a piece of metal where it sat on the workbench. 

“This one needs to be attached first so the other one can slip through.”

Peter nodded, about to start when a voice came from behind them. 

“Tony, Peppers looking for you. She’s waiting upstairs.”

Peter held in a laugh at the bright footwear adorning the gods' feet. He smiled instead, gesturing to the fluffy yellow duck slippers. “Nice shoes.”

Thor smiles brightly, pleased that someone else liked them too. “Thank you! Tony got them for me!”

Of course, he had. Presumably, so that his steps wouldn’t make too much noise and frighten Peter. Which he really appreciated because, thank you, no more flinching everytime Thor walked in and also because seeing the god of thunder walk around in fluffy slippers was beyond amazing. 

He’d also had some strange conversations with the heroes living in the compound. Ones he was sure were Tony’s doing. 

One afternoon, when the Avengers were all watching a movie, the screen suddenly swam with orange. The warm glow felt like a shock was sent down Peters' spine and his vision suddenly flickered between the battlefield and the lounge. His breaths began to come as noisy wheezes that he couldn’t control and his hand leapt up to grip his bicep, squeezing hard until Natasha’s voice found him. 

“Peter, come help me practice some tai chi.”

Her hands took his, slightly chilled on his overheated skin, and she pulled him out of the room and out of his flashback. 

It was nice, actually, getting help without having to talk about it. He knew they all wanted him to talk to them but they didn’t push and for that he was grateful. 

Instead, he followed along with Natasha’s slow, quiet movements, concentrating on the weight of his body and the soft movements of the form until his head was clear. 

They all had their ways of helping Peter. Steve and Sam liked to go for runs every morning and took Peter along. Bucky liked to cook and asked Peter to help in the calming, repetitious actions of chopping veggies and Bruce had breathing techniques he shared. 

Peter was sure they thought they were being slick and tricking him into therapy but he knew what they were doing and he appreciated it. 

He just had to make sure they thought he was getting better instead of the steadily declining mess he really was. 

He did his best to hide his flinches and yawns but Tony always watched him so closely he couldn’t hide much. 

One night Peter had been in the lab hanging out with Dum-e, tinkering with some new web fluid and calculating trajectories when they heard Tony coming.

The labs were sound proof for the most part, which meant there were only two ways Tony would know where he was. Either he looked in different rooms till he found him or- 

“Friday, you tattletale!” He whispered the angry words as Dum-e beeped in something Peter assumed was panic. He could hear Tony coming around the corner and he quickly turned off the lights and crawled his way up the wall to stick to the ceiling. 

“Dum-e shh!” The robot quietened down at his command, seconds before Tony opened the door and walked through, flicking the lights on as he went. 

“Peter, you in here? Dammit, Friday did you lie to me? You said he was in here.” 

He turned to leave, hand reaching for the light switch before he paused and frowned at the web fluid oozing from a beaker to drip onto the floor. It didn’t help that a very guilty looking robot was turned slightly away from the mess and Tony as if to try and hide. 

Tony dropped his hand from the light switch and made his way to the little robot, voice low and patient as if scolding a toddler. “Dum-e were you playing with Peter? Where is he?”

Dum-e made a sad computer noise as he turned towards Tony, who only put his hands on his hips at the sound. “Don’t lie to me. I made you pal, that makes me your dad and you don’t lie to your da-” Dum-e began wheeling away, as guiltily as a robot could. “-come back here! Tell me where he is right now or I’ll put that dunce hat right back on!”

Dum-e beeped again, whirring in a way that Peter could clearly translate as ‘very upset!’, before his claw pointed upwards. 

Peter held still, clinging to the ceiling as Tony looked up and jumped in fright, hand slapping to his chest. “God! Peter, what are you doing up there? It’s four in the morning did you sleep at all?”

Peter dropped down from the ceiling, landing on his hands and feet, slipping a bit, far clumsier than usual. His voice was quiet as he patted Dum-e gently as if forgiving him for giving him up. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Tony shook his head, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again, looking tired. “You didn’t. I had a bad dr-never mind. I just needed to make sure you were okay so...go to bed, Peter. Now.”

He really wanted to continue his work on the web fluid but Tony wouldn’t just leave him there. Peter said goodnight to Dum-e before following Tony out and to his room. 

He was already in his pyjamas so, he quietly let Tony put him to bed. The mechanic pulled the blankets over Peter and tucked him in, too tired to be embarrassed about what he was doing. 

Once done, he ruffled Peters' hair and looked like he was about to leave but paused and watched Peter with sad eyes. “Pete? You know you can talk to me, right? About anything?”

Peter felt guilt eat at his stomach like acid but he nodded anyway. “Yeah. Thanks, Mr Stark.”

The man didn’t look convinced, he looked pained and desperate and it was hard for Peter not to tell him everything right there. But he knew that if he did Tony would only feel worse and he couldn’t do that to him. 

Tony nodded and left, closing the door after him. 

Peter curled up in his bed and pulled the covers over his head. He was tired and guilty and sad and even in a building full of Avengers, he felt alone. 

Tony could tell, too. He knew Peter enough to know when something was wrong and when he was hiding something. 

Peter had been sitting at the dinner table, trying not to hate his carrots simply for being orange when Tony pulled his hand away from his arm, voice soft. “You have to stop doing that. You’re hurting yourself.”

Peter flushed red as he lowered his head, eyes flickering down to the floor in embarrassment. “Sorry. I don’t do it on purpose.”

He could pretend all he liked but there was no hiding the self-inflicted bruises marring his arm, or the dark circles under his eyes and the dead look on his face. It barely even mattered that he was free from the nightmares, he barely felt like himself. 

“Peter? Are you listening?” Bruce clicked his fingers, drawing back the teenagers attention. 

“Are you okay? You zoned out for a minute.”

Peter blinked at Bruce’s concerned face before looking around the room. Where was he? What had he been doing?

“Yeah, sorry. What were you saying?”

Peter wasn’t even sure what day it was anymore but he nodded anyway, pretending. 

“I was asking if you wanted to go to school? We’ve been waiting till you felt better and you haven’t had any nightmares for a week and your last panic attack was four days ago.”

Not true. His last panic attack had been that morning in his wardrobe where no one, not even Friday, could see.

Peter honestly didn’t know how to answer. If he said no he’d be admitting that he was still having trouble and then they’d worry about him and make him talk about it. But the thought of sitting in class while he tried to stay awake was...god he felt like he could collapse at any moment. And what happened if he had a flashback in class? No way. 

“Peter? How much sleep are you getting?”

Bruce’s hand pressed against his arm as his question brought Peter back again. He blinked hard. He hadn’t realised he’d been swaying in his seat until Bruce had stopped him. 

His brain was so slow that it took a moment for Bruce’s words to register and then another to formulate half of an answer. “Not enough. I’m going to have a nap.”

He pushed up from his seat and walked out, cursing under his breath when his feet faltered. He caught himself on the doorway and moved faster, making his way to his room to lock himself in. 

‘I need sleep. I can’t sleep. I need sleep. I can’t sl-“

Peter pressed his door shut and locked it, at war with himself. He needed to do something. He couldn’t keep going like he was. He was losing his mind. 

Maybe he could just sleep for a moment, maybe the nightmares wouldn’t come. Maybe he could just escape for a little while. 

Peter sat on his bed and wrapped his arms around himself, throat closing up as he rocked back and forth, trying to find some semblance of calm. It never stopped. It was always there, that panic and pain, the guilt and the grief. He couldn’t stop it. 

It was too heavy for him to hold anymore and he crumbled beneath the weight of it. His body gave up, too tired to keep fighting any longer. His eyes rolled back into his head and he thumped back onto his bed, falling headfirst into the dark. 

:::::::::::

Knock knock

Tony didn’t bother looking up from his desk, too preoccupied in his work to pause.

“Yeah, come in.”

Bruce entered, closing the door behind him. He held the same nervous energy that he usually did but his words, if nothing else, made Tony pay attention. 

“Can I talk to you about Peter for a moment?”

Tony dropped his screwdriver and turned in his seat, eyebrows drawn downwards. “You may.”

“I’m worried about him. I don’t think he’s sleeping. At all.”

Tony sighed and rubbed a hand over his temples. He was tired of being worried. No one ever told him it would be so exhausting and never-ending to care for a teenager. “I’m worried too but he refuses to talk about what happened and if we keep pushing he’s just going to shut down. What am I supposed to do?”

Bruce lent on Tony’s desk, looking just as tired as Tony felt. “This strategy isn’t working. He’s only going to get worse. Have you looked at him recently? I mean really looked at him? Behind his forced smile and “I’m fine”’s he’s crumbling and if we don’t get through to him...Tony, he’s been showing signs of sleep deprivation. Advanced signs. He needs to sleep or his body’s going to shut down.”

Every word put Tony further on edge but he knew Bruce was right. He just really wished he weren’t.

“What do you want me to do?” He sounded defeated because he was. Bruce’s tone was just tired. 

“Firstly he needs to sleep. Whether it be his choice or ours he needs to. After that...I’ll call in a therapist or he can talk to Sam but he has to talk about it.”

Tony didn’t even want to imagine forcing Peter to sleep. He wiped a hand over his face and stood. “Fine. Friday, where is Peter now?”

The AI answered in her usual calm tone, easing Tony’s anxiety just a little. “He has been sleeping in his room for the last fifteen minutes.”

The two men met eyes, relieved and a little suspicious due to the fact that it was one in the afternoon. Bruce asked the most obvious question first. “When was the last time Peter slept through the night?”

The AI’s voice did not sound so calm anymore. “Seven days ago.”

Tony paled precisely four seconds before he heard his phone ring and he pulled it out of his pocket, stomach dropping at the name on the screen. 

He pulled the phone to his ear, not knowing what to expect. “Peter?”

“M-Mr Stark?” Peter's voice was warped and choked and Tony immediately gripped his phone tighter, leaning forward as his heart raced. Because Peter sounded terrified. “I’m here, buddy. What’s wrong?”

“You have to find me. You have to get me out.” His voice cracked under the weight of his tears and he began to sob through the phone as Tony listened, almost paralyzed. 

“Please, Mr Stark, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t hold on but you have to save me. I can’t be here again. I’m all alone and I...Please.”

Tony scrambled from his seat, Bruce watching him, confused as Tony ran to Peter's room. “I'm coming, kiddo. I promise, I’m gonna get you out. I’m coming.”

Peters pleading was hard enough to hear without his implication that Tony wouldn’t get him because Peter didn’t stay. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Peter. I'm always going to come save you.”

Peters only haunting reply was a broken whisper. “Hurry.”

Tony held his phone and ran, a confused Bruce trailing behind him as he made his way to Peter's room. 

But when he got there the door was locked and the room was empty. Friday opened the door for him only to reveal the deserted room. “Friday, where is he?!”

The AI didn’t sound sure, which was rare enough to ramp up Tony’s anxiety tenfold. “...I cannot detect him on any of my sensors or cameras.”

Bruce met Tony in the doorway as the mechanic looked around desperately for the kid. “He was just in here! Did he leave?”

“Not through any doors or windows. Sorry, boss.”

Tony nodded. “Okay, so he’s still in the building.” 

Bruce still didn’t know what was happening but knew better than to interrupt whatever Tony was doing. All he knew was that Peter was apparently missing and he had called Tony. He pointed to the phone in his friend's hand, reminding him it was there. “Tony.”

Tony quickly pressed the phone back to his ear, listing to Peter gasp and whimper. “Peter? Where are you?”

The whine that came through was so quiet and strained that Tony almost didn’t recognise it as Peters. “I’m back there. I’m dead.”

Tony and Bruce’s eyes met, a quiet question shared between them. ‘Is it another flashback? Or something worse?’

Bruce just shrugged, eyes afraid and Tony gripped the phone harder as he closed his eyes. “No, you’re not. You’re not there, kid. I promise.”

“You have to get me back. Please, Mr Stark...I’m scared.”

Tony almost choked on his words, chest tightening at Peters' voice. “You’re okay, everything's going to be okay. I’m coming to get you, now.”

Bruce pointed up to the ceiling, calling his friends attention back. “Tony. This vent has been forced open.”

Finally, something to go on. “He’s in the vents. That's why Friday can’t find him. I’ll track his cell phone now.”

Tony put his phone on speaker and swiped through to his tracking features as Bruce watched over his shoulder. “Why wasn’t this on before? Couldn’t Friday have tracked him this way?”

Tony sighed, grumbling. “Peter doesn't like me spying on him so, I agreed to turn his tracker off as long as he was good and it wasn’t an emergency. I think this counts.”

Tony’s fingers flew across the screen until finally, a little red dot popped up on his screen. “He’s on the next floor up.” 

The two followed the dot, still listening to Peter cry and sniffle through the phone as they hurried to find him. “Peter we're coming. We know where you are, just stay there.”

Peter didn’t seem to find comfort in that fact, instead, he seemed to be growing more panicked. “I’m all alone. I don’t have anything. I’m nothing. I can’t get out. I can’t see, I can’t, I can’t-”

Bruce followed Tony as he ran to where the red dot blinked on the phone. “He’s breathing too fast.”

Tony moved faster, finally making it to the lounge where the red dot brought them. Steve, Sam and Natasha were sitting on the couch but stood when the two men entered, out of breath and panicked. 

“What's going o-” Steve didn’t get to finish his sentence before Tony was interrupting, pointing to the ceiling. “Peters in there! Get him out!”

Cap didn’t waste any time asking for explanations, immediately running over to the adjoining kitchen and dragging over the huge table. Everyone moved out of the way as Steve climbed up on the tabletop and reached up to the ceiling, ripping the ventilation grate clean off in one move. 

He poked his head through, spotting Peter curled up in the vent tunnels, trembling as he held his phone. “Peter? It’s okay, you can come out.”

But the teenager didn’t seem to know he was there, his eyes were open but they were glassy, staring at nothing as tears dripped down his face. Steve looked down at Tony and Bruce. “He won’t move.”

Bruce pushed his glasses up his nose as he called up. “He might be stuck in a flashback, keep talking to him.”

Steve tried again but Peters breathing only got more ragged. “Peter, It’s Steve. I’m here to get you out. Everything's okay.”

Peter shook his head where he sat curled in the vent, sweat-dampened curls sticking to his forehead. “He’s not coming. Is he coming? Mr Stark, where are you?”

Steve narrowed his eyes as he watched the kid. His heaving chest and empty gaze; it was similar to a flashback but something about it wasn’t right. “Guys, I don’t think he’s awake.”

Tony shifted, anxiously, wanting to be up there to see Peter. “What do you mean? You think he’s sleepwalking?”

Bruce nodded to himself. “It can be brought on by sleep deprivation.”

Peter whimpered again and Steve couldn’t wait anymore. “His breathing getting worse. I’m pulling him out.”

Usually, with sleepwalkers, the best thing to do is to gently guide them back to bed but they didn’t have that option and Steve quietly apologized as he reached in and grabbed Peter. 

“I’m sorry, bud.”

Peter started screaming as soon as Steves' hands touched him and the vents banged loudly as the kid began to kick and fight him off. 

“No! No! I’m sorry! Please, I’m sorry!”

Steve gritted his teeth and dragged the kid from the ceiling, ignoring the shaking hands that tried to pry him off. “Peter, it's okay.”

His screams came with sobs but they didn’t truly break Tony’s heart until Peter started screaming his name. 

“Mr Stark! Help me! Mr Stark, please! I need you!” He screamed for his hero to save him, unaware of who the hands on him belonged to. 

Steve pulled him out and handed him down to Tony, Peter still screaming. 

Tony took the teenager and sunk to the floor, cradling him to his chest and holding on tight. “Shh, Pete. You’re okay. It’s me, it’s Tony. Calm down, you’re okay.”

Peter cried harder, hands clamping down on Tony’s arms.

The faces of the Avengers around them were all drawn and worried but for Tony it felt as if it were just him and Peter. He felt the teenager shake against him, hands alternating between fighting him off and grabbing for him but he held firm, pressing a hand to the back of his head as he spoke to him. 

“Peter, stop. You’re okay. It’s me. Wake up, come on, buddy.”

The boy gasped and sobbed against his shoulder, unintelligible mumbles and pleas muffled against Tony’s shirt. He was stuck in the nightmare and couldn't find his way out until Tony started rocking, voice hushed against his ear. “Shh, you’re okay, Spider-Baby. I got you. Come back. Wake up.”

Suddenly the nightmare dissipated and Peters' eyes opened. The soul stone was gone, it's quiet, lonely chill was replaced by Tony’s warm arms holding him together. 

“M-Mr Stark?”

Tony pulled back to see Peter's face, gently brushing his thumbs across those pink, flushed cheeks. 

“You back with me, kiddo?”

Peter nodded and tucked himself back to Tony’s chest, the fear choking him sinking away the longer he stayed in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I know its so mean and it's only going to get worse but I hope you like it anyway? He'll get better at the end   
> I'll havr the next one up soon hopefully I'm just working a lot this week so ill do my best  
> let me know what you think?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long work has been taking all my energy but its all worth it for the money and the free movies, right? I actually love work but anyway I hope you like chapter

“You were terrified, Peter. You were begging me to save you and now you won't even talk to me about it? We can’t keep doing this.”

Peter didn’t stop his furious writing, one hand pressed against the desk with white knuckles while the other scribbled over his homework. He didn’t say anything, just cursed quietly under his breath as he picked up his eraser and swept it across the page before trying again. 

He hadn’t remembered the sleepwalking or what he'd been dreaming about while it happened, although he could guess. All he knew was that he woke up on the floor in Tony’s arms with everyone staring at him. He’d had tears rolling down his cheeks with no recollection of why he was crying and he didn’t want to talk about it. 

Tony took a breath and tried to stop it from becoming a sigh as he tried something else. “You don’t have to be embarrassed about what happened, okay? Just...tell me what's been bothering you so, I can fix it.”

Peters' eyes remained glued to his homework as he wrote out equations and rewrote the answers. 

“Can you at least tell me some things? Like, why does anything orange bother you?”

More silence. Another breath, another tactic, this time light with a hint of teasing, trying to see if Peter would tease back. He didn’t.

“I would have thought you’d hate purple. I know I'm never looking at Barney The Dinosaur the same way again.”

Still nothing. 

“Peter, come on. I know you’ve been trying to hide all of this but I’ve seen the way you flinch and hold your breath when people touch you and you’ve refused to eat or even look at anything orange for weeks. Just talk to me, you don’t have to do it alone.”

Tony was losing his patience. Peter wasn’t talking, wasn’t looking at him and the dark circles under his eyes had become more like bruises. What was almost more worrying was that the kid was beginning to look thinner, like he was getting sick. 

The Avengers' voice dipped lower, begging the kid to take it seriously. “Pete...you haven’t slept in eight days. If you keep going like this…” He’d die. That's what happened if you didn’t sleep. Your body shut down and you died. He knew that Peter would eventually succumb to his exhaustion and he would sleep, or they would make him but the fact that Peter was doing it to himself was just...Tony couldn't watch it anymore. 

Finally, Peter spoke, voice scratchy and worn out from his screams during the sleepwalking. “I slept yesterday.”

Tony was surprised to hear him answer and shook his head, leaning forward with the hope he was getting through to him. “You slept for fifteen minutes and then you sleepwalked and screamed yourself awake. That's not rest. You need real sleep.”

He didn’t want to say it, he hated himself for having to say it but he did anyway. “If you don’t sleep, we’ll give you something to make you sleep. It will help. Just take some-”

Peter spoke again, more forcefully this time but his face still didn’t raise from his homework, pencil continuing across the page. “No.”

Tony’s hands curled into fists and he stood, voice wavering as he tried to get the stubborn kid to listen to him. “Peter, you have PTSD and if you don’t let us help you it’ll only get worse. Are you hearing me?! I can’t let you do this to yourself! I can’t…”

Peter’s hand stopped moving, pencil falling silent as he waited for his mentor to finish his sentence. “I can’t watch you disappear again.”

Out of everything, that was what got through Peters syrupy, sleep-deprived brain and he dropped his pencil. “Okay.”

Tony stood there, shocked as Peter stood from his desk and looked Tony in the eye. “It’s not that I don’t like people touching me, it’s that every time someone does I remember what it felt like for my hands to disintegrate. I don’t like loud noises because every sound and vibration puts my spidey senses on edge like someone's tasing my spine. I don’t like sleep because everytime I close my eyes I’m trapped in the soul stone again, losing my mind and just waiting for you to come save me. I don’t like the colour orange because I was trapped in it for...well, I don’t know how long. I lost track in there. No sun, no moon, just days stretching on and on. There was nothing but an orange glow and time. Forever.”

This time Tony was silent, not knowing what to say. Peter’s shoulders sagged and he sighed, exhausted. “Did that make you feel better?”

Tony felt a tear fall from his eye, not having realised he had started to cry until he felt it hit his cheek. Peter watched it fall, voice quiet. “Yeah, me neither.”

He walked out, leaving Tony in the silent bedroom that felt more like a tomb than a teenagers room. 

But he didn’t let go of the flood of grief inside him, not until he saw Peters homework and the math equations scrawled where Spanish answers were supposed to be. The worst thing wasn’t the mixing of subjects it was the fact that the equations didn’t make sense at all. They weren’t arithmetic they were strings of nonsensical numbers, letters and symbols. 

That's when Tony let it go, that's when he slipped to the floor and cried because while he’d been trying to stop Peter from disappearing again he hadn’t realised he was already gone. 

:::::::::::::::::::::

When his tears finally stopped Tony picked himself up off the floor and pulled Peters homework book from his desk. He felt so defeated but his feet knew where to go and he made his way to Bruce’s lab. 

He turned in his chair, face falling at the sight of his friend's blank face and slumped shoulders. “Hey, Ton...what happened?” 

He stood from his chair, abandoning his research and made his way over as Tony lifted the book for him to see. Bruce sighed when he saw the written mess but Tony was the first one to speak. 

“Is it...is this because he isn’t sleeping or is he…? He was in the soul stone for five years, Bruce. He remembers all of it.”

Bruce only knew what Tony had told him about the first lost battle, not having remembered it since it had been changed by the time stone and he closed his eyes as he thought. “Honestly, it could be either. But whatever it is we’ll help him. Right now he needs sleep more than anything. Let’s start there.”

Tony knew what Bruce’s tone was implying. He didn’t want to, his eyes pricked with tears again at the thought but he said it anyway. “Sedate him.”

:::::

They found Peter in the workshop, working on his web fluid and chatting quietly with Dum-e. He turned, eyes widening in fear when he saw them approach. 

Bruce was standing there with Tony, Steve and Bucky beside them, all with grim and apologetic looks on their faces. Whatever was about to happen he would not like it which could only mean-

“I’m not going to sleep.” He faced them, adamant that they would not make him. He squared his shoulders and shifted his feet to a more stable stance in case he had to fight them off.

Tony moved ahead of the others, hands up and movements slow. “Just take the medication, Peter. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

The boy shook his head, breaths coming faster with each word spoken. “No. I’m not sleeping. I can’t.”

Tony could feel himself losing the battle with his emotions again. Peter was trying to look defiant but all Tony saw was fear in those wide brown eyes. Steve put a hand on his shoulder and pulled him back a little, taking over with a firm voice. 

“Peter, you can either take the sedatives willingly or we’ll make you take them. We just want to help you so, it’s going to happen but you can choose how it goes down.”

Peter looked between them all, Bruce and Tony looking so sad and Bucky and Steve prepared to catch him if he ran. He was trapped, by his heroes. 

His breaths were coming as pants now and his voice wavered as he shook his head, anxiety clawing at him. “I won’t do it. Please, don’t make me.”

Bruce snapped, desperate and worried as he held out his hand, showing Peter the pills that lay in his palm. “Just take them! Please, Peter. We don’t want to have to do this to you!”

Peter backed away, bumping into the workbench behind him as he shook his head once more. “No. I’m not going to sleep.”

He’d made up his mind. Bruce sighed and put the pills back in his pocket, his hand coming back out with a syringe. “Then, I’m sorry.”

Tony backed away, not sure he even wanted to watch but knowing he couldn't leave Peter when he was scared. “You’ll be okay, bud. We just want you to feel better.” 

Steve and Bucky started moving in on Peter as he tried to back away, but the two stopped as Dum-e beeped angrily at them and wheeled in front of his friend. 

“Dum-e,” Tony loved that little robot for trying to protect Peter and he kept any real malice from his voice. “Let them through.”

Dum-e didn’t want to move but his Dad told him to and so, he moved, wheeling sadly away as Peter grew more panicked. “I’m not going!”

Steve pressed forward, hands pushing away Peters attempts to keep him away before wrapping his arms around the kid, holding him still. “I'm sorry, Peter. Just try to stay still.”

Peter was beginning to cry, pulling and bucking in Steve's hold as he tried to throw him off. “No! Please, don't make me go back! I can’t do it again!”

Tony felt as if he were choking, watching Peter fight to escape Steve’s hold as Bucky took the syringe from Bruce and moved closer to Peter. The teenager fought harder, feet pushing against the floor in an attempt to move away but Steve held still and all he could do was scream. 

“NO! STOP! PLEASE, DON'T SEND ME BACK THERE! IM SORRY, MR STARK, IM SORRY, JUST PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME!”

Tony couldn't watch anymore. He closed his eyes and turned away as Peter sobbed, panic and desperation leaving him breathless. 

“MR STARK, HELP ME!” Tony felt like throwing up and clenched his jaw shut. 

Steve muttered reassurances against Peters' hair as he held him and Bucky tried to block out the kids voice as he pressed the needle to his arm. 

Peter let out a cry as the needle stung, arm aching as the sedative was forced into him. Either his lack of sleep had made him weaker or Bruce had come up with something strong because it only took a few seconds for it to take effect. His body began to droop, feeling heavy, and his knees buckled. 

Steve adjusted his arms around the boy as he caught him and took his weight, lowering them both to the floor. Peters howling cries quietened to soft mewls as his head spun and he heard Steve call Tony's name. 

Tony opened his eyes and wiped his hand over his cheek before kneeling next to Steve. The super soldier gently placed Peter in the mechanic's arms so that he could hold him as he fell asleep. 

Peter was heavy and limp in Tony’s arms and he held him close as he watched those brown eyes glaze over and flutter. “You’ll be okay, Peter. You just need to sleep and you’ll feel better.”

Peter pressed a clumsy hand to Tony’s chest, trying to curl his fingers around his shirt before he let out a last whimper, his eyes rolling back. His hand fell back to his own chest with a thump as a sigh left his lips, and Peter was finally asleep. 

Tony took a shaky breath as he brushed a hand over the kids hair, feeling guilty and cruel for what they’d just done. “He was begging me not to send him back and we just...He was asking for my help and I ignored him.”

Bruce put a hand on Tony’s shoulder, as heavy and warm as his voice. “I know it was hard but it was for his own good.”

Tony shook his head, pulling Peter tighter to his chest, feeling the weight of him in his arms and remembering what to was like to have it disappear. “We just sent him back to hell.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me what you think? sorry I know it was really mean but it was what's best for Peter   
> I'll try to update soon but no promises


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i know this fic is pretty sad and this chapter is too but the story will end happy so just remember that.

After Peter had succumbed to the sedative Tony had carried him to bed and tucked him in. He paused before he left, looking down on the soft slack of Peters features. He didn’t look like he usually did when he slept. Peter had fallen asleep on the couch or in the lab so many times Tony had lost count and he always shifted or mumbled in his sleep but this sleep was heavier, artificial almost. Peter wasn’t dreaming behind those lids, he was just shut down. 

Tony’s hand hovered an inch away from Peters hair, aching to brush it back like he used to do but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He left without a word.

The compound felt a little emptier without Peter, a little more lonely. It wasn’t like Peter had been his usual sunshine self but there was something about Peter that was just so intrinsically bright that he didn’t have to try to shine, he just did. And Tony missed him. 

He sat at his work bench, breaths coming just a little too fast as his anxiety began kicking at the insides of his skull, whispering words as sharp as knives that made his chest ache. ‘Peters gone. He's dead. You didn't save him’

Tony pushed his tools away and pressed his palms to his closed eyes, muttering to the voices in his mind. “Shut up. He’s fine. He’s sleeping.”

But when had his anxiety ever listened to him? They grew louder, claws dragging through his thoughts until it was all he could think about. ‘What if he disappears when you’re not looking? He could be gone already while you're sitting here talking to yourself’

He knew it was stupid. There was no way Peter could be disappearing again. Thanos was dead, his body scattered to the far reaches of the universe and the stones were safe. But what if he was wrong? The image of Peter turning to ash in his bed carved itself into his brain, burning and aching until Tony gave up. He pushed away from his work and got to his feet, hands shaking at his side as he hurried to Peter's room. 

The doorknob turned, cool in his overheated palm and there was Peter asleep in his bed, safe and sound. Because of course he was, why wouldn't he be? But it didn’t matter, Tony's anxiety was on a roll and it wouldn't stop. The crushing loneliness and grief from when Peter had died returned, washing Tony in it like a tidal wave, drowning him as it pushed him off his feet every time he tried to stand. 

All the guilt and loss from Peters death mixed with the betrayed look on the kids face when he’d been sedated, the cries for help that went ignored. It all turned to acid in Tony's stomach and he almost threw it up before he clenched his teeth together.

His hands shook and his chest tightened, turning each breath into a wheeze as he closed the door and followed his feet to Bruce's Lab. 

The scientist was in there working when Tony's hand thumped on the doorframe, trying to keep himself on his feet as his head spun. Bruce turned at the noise, eyes widening at the sight of Tony unraveling, and he shot to his feet. 

“Tony, are you having a panic attack?”

The mechanic could do nothing but nod as his knees gave way and he crashed to the floor, trembling and gasping. Bruce ran over to a cupboard across the room and returned with a pill and a glass of water. “Here, take this.”

Tony had seen the little round pill enough times to recognise it as clonazepam and he swallowed it down without hesitation. Bruce took the water from him before he could drop it and put it down before coming back to sit with Tony on the floor, taking his hands in his and pressing them to Tony’s ears.

“Tony, concentrate. Close your eyes and count as you breathe.”

Extra stimuli made Tony’s panic attacks worse so, he pressed his hands to his ears to shut out any noise and closed his eyes, focussing on just his breathing. He started counting, in for four, hold, then out for four and repeat. “One, two, three, four. Fuck, Bruce. It hurts.”

Bruce watched his friend shake, voice strangled and thin, and he kept his own voice as calm as he could manage. “I know, you’re okay. Everything's okay.”

Tony kept counting until his breathing began to slow and ease, throat no longer feeling as though it were being squeezed. But after three minutes of counting, his words turned to something else to concentrate on. “One, two, three, four. Thanos is dead. He’s dead and we’re safe. Peters alive. Peters alive.”

It took a little while but finally the medication was kicking in and Tony was calming down. 

Bruce waited until Tony had taken his hands down from his ears and opened his eyes before speaking. “You okay?”

Tony nodded, shaking subsiding as he leaned against the doorway. “Yeah. Sorry.”

Bruce gently corrected his friend, placing his hand on his knee. “Remember what your therapist talked about, Tones.”

The mechanic nodded, remembering that he wasn’t supposed to say sorry for things he couldn't control, only thank the people that helped him. “Oh, right. Um, thanks for helping me.”

Bruce nodded and sighed, hating having to see his friend so broken down. “You’re welcome. Do you want to talk about what brought it on?”

Tony lifted a tired hand to brush his hair back from his sweat dampened face, feeling weak and drained. “We hurt him, Bruce.”

The doctor nodded, not having anything else to make it better because they had hurt Peter and there was no getting around that. 

Tony didn’t let the lack of response deter him and he closed his eyes as he sighed, ashamed. “And I really want a drink.”

Bruce had to say something about that. “Tony-” His tone said enough and the mechanic nodded, opening his eyes again. “I know. I won’t, I just...I wanted you to know so that you could...help me stay away from it.”

Bruce nodded again and watched as Tony fought with himself inside his head, finally deciding to give himself up. “I hid a couple of bottles in my lab last week. They’re under the sink, behind all the supplies.”

It felt like a weight off his shoulders and a fall off a cliff all at once. He needed to get rid of them so that he could get better but there was also the panic of not having them there if he needed them. But Bruce's smile made it all worth it. “I’m proud of you, buddy. I’ll get you to bed and I’ll go get rid of them.”

Tony let himself be a little proud despite the fact that he was sitting on the floor, weak and dizzy after his latest panic attack. He was a mess but he was trying to get better and isn’t that really all you can do? Try?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Peter slept for eleven hours before the nightmares came for him. Eleven blessed hours of peace before he was clawing at the insides of his own skull trying to get out. But sedatives that put you to sleep usually keep you asleep and Peter couldn’t escape until Tony pulled him out. 

Tony had been asleep when Peter started screaming, the noise piercing through his slumber and shaking him from his dreams. Adrenaline shot through him and he flung himself from his bed before he’d even registered what the noise was and what it meant. He was half asleep and still feeling the effects of the clonazepam but Peter was calling for Tony to save him which meant it was the only thing that mattered. 

He ran down the hall to the kids bedroom, pushing the door open and sprinting inside until he was at Peters bed, voice husky from sleep. “Peter, wake up! You’re okay, it's just a dream!”

But he wasn't waking up, the drugs in his system pressing him down and keeping him asleep until Tony rubbed a hand on his chest and called for him louder. “Peter! Wake up!”

 

Peter let out a panicked shout at the touch before finally jolting out of his dream and gasping awake. He kicked, sitting up and pressing himself to the wall, away from the hands touching him. He panted, whimpering as Tony tried to pull him back down to reality. 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay, it was just a dream.”

Peters eyes were wide and confused before his eyebrows furrowed and he wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand. “You made me sleep. I said I didn’t want to.”

His breaths were coming as upset huffs and he sounded so young that Tony had to look away from the wounded look in his eyes. 

“I know. I’m sorry but you were making yourself sick, Pete. I couldn’t let you do that”

Peter pushed all his blankets off him and curled up against his headboard, eyes on his feet. 

“You don’t know what it's like for me there.”

Tony lifted his eyes, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

Peter was angry but there was enough fear in his words to make his voice waver.  
“There! Everytime I sleep I’m back in the soul stone. In hell! And you put me there!”

It was the fear that made Tony move, sitting on the edge of Peters bed and reaching out an arm in offering. “I’m sorry, Buddy. I really am. I never wanted to do that to you but it’s my job to keep you safe. Even from yourself.”

Peter looked at the arm, frowning before turning away, words quiet. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

That hurt. Tony pulled back. “Peter-“ 

“I don’t want to talk to any of you!” He curled tighter into the ball he’d folded himself into and although his face was turned away Tony could see the tears slipping down his cheek.

Tony stood from the bed, getting ready to leave when he saw Peters hands squeezing the tops of his arms again. “Peter, you have to stop that, buddy. Count your fingers instead.” 

Peter buried his face in his arms, voice muffled and sniffly. “Leave me alone.”

Tony’s feelings were hurt but he did as Peter asked, leaving the boy to sit with his pain on his own. He left the room and shut the door but he didn’t leave Peter. He stood outside the door and waited, listening to Peter as he began to sob. It was an awful sound, choked and immensely sad. Peter was hurting and he wouldn’t let anyone help. 

All of Tony’s instincts told him to go inside and hold the boy, to make it all okay, but that’s not what Peter wanted. He didn’t want his help. 

So, Tony sat on the floor and leaned his back on the door listening to Peter cry. He closed his eyes, praying that things would get easier for the kid, that he’d let him help at least. It took a while but Tony’s prayer seemed to help at least a little because Peter began to count. 

“One, two, three, four, five. I’m here, I’m alive, I’m not gone.” 

Tony pressed a hand to his face and cried in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was sadddd im sorrryy but its because Tony is someone with ptsd that asks for help and Peter is someone with ptsd that refuses to let anyone help. Thats what happens when you're mental health is going to shit and you dont ask for help, it goes to shit. So, if you're dealing with something or not dealing with it, ask someone for help okay?
> 
> ye anyway sorry this was sad i actually cant wait till this ones finished and i can work on something else


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the last chapter! FInally omg its been ages i genuily dont remeber the first five or so chapters but anywayyy I hope you like this sorry its suuper angsty

Peter didn’t come out of his room anymore, not unless he was sleeping. Tony tried to at least see it as a sign that Peter subconsciously still sought him out for safety but that small glimmer of hope wasn’t enough to make up for Peters crying in the middle of the night. 

Peters sleepwalking wasn't always dramatic, sometimes it was quiet and Tony wouldn't know he was even doing it until Friday told him. “Boss, Peter is up.”

Tony would sigh and stop whatever he was doing to help the boy. “Where?”

“Hallway, heading right for your room.”

He wasn’t even in his room, but that was where Peter tended to head towards when he went for his midnight wanders. 

Steve poked his head out of his own room as Tony headed down the hall to find the kid and he waved him back in. “I got him, Steve. Go back to sleep.”

The soldier nodded, face grim as Bucky pulled him back to bed and Tony rubbed a hand over his face as he got closer to the sounds of crying. 

“I can’t- I don't have any. How am I supposed to count them if they’re not there?”

Tony moved faster, spotting Peter padding down the hall in his sweatpants and socks, shoulders hunched and hands splayed in front of him. He was crying and mumbling to himself about counting fingers. 

“What am I supposed to do?”

Tony didn’t touch him, not yet, instead, speaking softly and trying to pull Peter back with his voice. “Pete? I’m here, kiddo. You’re okay.”

The boy stopped walking, sniffling as he spoke, still not looking up from his hands but directing his words to his mentor. “I can’t find them.”

“You can’t find what, buddy?” 

Peter let out something between a sob and a whimper, making Tony want to do the same. “My fingers. They’re gone and I can’t count them. How am I supposed to make sure I’m still here if m fingers are gone?”

Tony ignored the fact that if Peter didn’t have fingers it would mean he was disappearing anyway, a point that Peter had missed. He watched a teardrop from Peters' chin onto the carpet. 

“They’re not gone, Peter. They’re right there. Come on, you need to go back to bed.”

Peter sniffed, raising his head to finally look Tony in the eye, his own gaze hazy and tired. “Where did they go?”

Tony raised his hands and slowly reached for the boy. “I’m going to put my arm around you and help you to your room, okay? Your fingers will come back if you sleep.”

Peter didn't flinch or pull away at the mechanic's touch, which Tony was more than grateful for and he gently steered Peter back to his own room. But he didn't want to go, not yet. “No, I have to count them. Mr Stark told me to.”

Tony frowned, too tired to really argue. “Peter, I’m- you know what? It doesn't matter. Here, count mine.”

He offered his hand, the other one on Peters back and pressing him forward. Peter happily accepted and counted his fingers over and over until they got to his room. 

“Lie down, bud.” 

Peter let go of his hand, smiling as his eyes slipped shut. “They’re all there.” 

Tony nodded as he helped him lay down and tucked him in. “Good job. Night, Pete.”

Peter rolled over and let out a breath, slipping back into sleep but Tony felt more exhausted than ever. It was like he was on constant Peter watch, making sure he was okay, calming him down from nightmares and panic attacks and keeping from danger when he walked about. That's if Peter let him touch him. He didn’t always respond to it well. 

There were other nights too when Peter sleepwalked through nightmares. He was often inconsolable and Tony would have to figure out new ways to help him. 

Tonight was one of those nights. Tony had been dreaming when it happened, his mind replaying an event he’d rather not relive. 

“Tony, you have to say goodbye. This is the only way you’ll get closure.” Pepper had pulled him towards that gravestone, urging him to face reality. 

“What closure? There is no closure! We don’t even have a body to bury.”

The bitter words had sat on his tongue all day, throughout the ceremony and the lowering of the empty coffin but he’d waited until May and Ned and the other kids were gone before he’d said it.

Pepper sighed and looked again at the tombstone.   
‘Peter Benjamin Parker. A son, nephew, friend and hero.’

“He’s next to his parents and his uncle.” Tony knew Pepper was trying to console him with the platitude of Peter not being alone but it wasn’t true. Peter wasn’t in that coffin he was scattered across a dead planet out in space. He was nowhere. Gone. 

“I’m not saying goodbye. I’m going to get him back.” 

Pepper turned to him, letting go of his hand to press her chilled palms on his cheeks as she begged him. “Please, Tony. I know you loved him, we all did. But you have to say goodbye. Thanos is gone, they’re all gone. We have to move on.”

Tony had loved Pepper for a very long time but at that moment he hated her. He hated everyone. They were saying goodbye and getting on with their lives but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t until he’d made it right. 

He pulled away from her, shoving down his grief and turning it into fuel for his mission. “I’m getting him back. I’m going to save everyone.”

:::::::::::

Tony’s eyes flickered open, not with the usual jolt and gasp of his nightmares. No, something had woken him. He sat up, listening to the empty silence of the compound, hoping to figure out what it was.

“Tony?” Pepper rolled over beside him, hand immediately going to his back to rub soothingly like she did whenever he had bad dreams. “Another nightmare?”

The mechanic leaned down to kiss her temple, voice hushed next to her ear. “I’m okay, go back to sleep.”

She hummed, smiling as she fell asleep once more and Tony slipped from their bed and out into the hallway. And that’s when he heard it. 

“Make it stop.”

It was undoubtedly Peters voice though it was wet and broken through with whimpers. Tony moved towards it, finding Peter stumbling down the hall towards his mentor's room. 

Even if Peter refused to talk to Tony during the day, his feet always took him to him at night.

“Peter?” Tony was a few feet ahead of him now, hands reaching out to steady his shaky legs.

Peter hiccuped, tears dripping down over his flushed cheeks. His feet were clumsy and slipped beneath him as he reached out for his hero, sobs spilling from his mouth. 

“Mr stark I can’t make it stop. His voice was stretched thin around his sobs and Tony caught him as he tripped and fell, reminding him sharply of their time on Titan.

The boy landed heavily in his arms, whole body shaking as Tony lowered them both to the floor, one hand on the back of the boys head as he clung to him.

“What, Pete? What can’t stop? 

Peters' hands curled into tight fists in Tony’s shirt and his breaths came as strangled drags of air that sounded painfully strained. He was going to have a panic attack if he didn’t calm down. “I’m gonna disappear again and I can’t stop it. It won’t stop but I don’t want to go please don’t let me disappear again.” 

Tony’s heart just about died inside his chest. How many times was this kid going to have to relive his own death? 

Peters sobs were so loud Tony briefly worried he might wake everyone in the tower and he quickly pulled the boy into his lap, arms right around him. 

“I’m not gonna let you disappear, Peter, I promise. I’m gonna hold on to you and no one is going to hurt you ever again. You hear me? I’m gonna hold on as long as you need. You’re okay.” 

He nodded and pressed his chest against Tony’s, burying his face in his mentor's neck. Peter wrapped his arms around Tony’s back, hands gripping his shirt as his chest heaved with the force of the gasps that came between sobs. 

“Don’t let go. Don’t let me go, Mr Stark, I can’t go back to that place. I can’t-“ he cried again and Tony squeezed him tighter. “Y-you gotta hold me together so I don’t disappear again.” 

Tony closed his eyes and prayed to whatever god was listening to take Peters pain away. Just to let him heal. But Peters tears continued to wet the skin of his neck and so he held tight and gently rocked the boy in his arms, voice soft and slow. 

“I got you, Pete. I’m not letting anything or anyone take you away. I promise, buddy. I’ll protect you, always. You’re okay, I’m here. I got you.” 

Tony pressed his cheek to the top of Peters' head, muttering reassurances over and over again as they rocked. Peter just held on and cried everything out, lean frame shivering against his mentor in fear. 

He was so scared and so tired and confused the only place he wanted to be was in Tony’s arms. So that’s where he stayed, even when Tony’s arms and legs began to go numb the avenger hung on. 

It took an hour for Peter to stop crying and another thirty minutes for him to fall into an exhausted sleep in his arms. Tony brushed his hand through Peters hair at the back of his head and waited for the kid's choppy breaths to even out before moving. 

He wasn’t going to let go until the kid told him to so he simply forced his achy legs to get him on his feet. He adjusted Peter in his arms until he was carrying the kid down the hall.

Peter shifted in his hold at the movement, pressing his face closer to Tony’s neck where it lay on his shoulder as he sighed. 

“Tony.” 

The mechanic pressed his lips to the kids head, whispering voice immediately calming him. “Shhh go to sleep, spider-baby.” 

Peters' arms were looped around the mechanic's neck and his hands once again curled around Tony’s shirt as he pressed closer. 

There was no point in trying to get the boy into bed because that would require letting him go and Tony had no intention of doing that. So instead, he made his way to the living room and settled then both on the couch, allowing Peter to stay clinging to his chest. 

Their lives, ever since the failed mission to stop Thanos, had been chaos and grief and it was nice to have a moment of peace, even if it was right after a nightmare and sleepwalking. Tony would take what he could get. He wrapped his arms around Peters back and took comfort from the now calm rise and fall of his back and the small warm puffs of air that the kid was breathing against his neck. 

Peters warmth chased away the last of the chill from Tony’s dream and he closed his eyes, letting the soothing sounds of a living Peter send him to sleep. 

:::::::

“Should we wake them?”

“Nah, leave them. They need the sleep and I think both of them could use the hug.”

“They look so sweet, don't they?”

Voices trickled into Tony’s awareness and he scrunched his eyes tightly shut, hoping they’d just go away and let him sleep a while longer. 

“Whoops, I think he heard us.” Was that Wilson? 

“Shut up! You’re gonna wake them!” That was definitely Clint. 

“Guys, leave them alone. Bucky, can you start the coffee? Thanks, hon.”

No one called Bucky hon but Steve. Tony sighed, his dreams too far away to chase any longer and he opened his eyes. 

“Sorry, Tony. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

They were in the lounge, where Tony had taken Peter after his latest sleepwalking debacle. Oh right, Peter. Tony rubbed his hands over Peters back as the teenager shifted in his sleep, cheek pressed to his mentor's shoulder. His hair was tickling Tony's neck and he pressed his cheek to the top of the boys head, just holding him close. 

“S’okay. What time is it?”

Steve glanced at his watch as the other Avengers pretended not to stare at the two on the couch. “Just after seven.”

Tony groaned and rubbed a hand over his eyes. “It's too early. Everyone go back to bed.”

Clint came over with a cup of coffee, poured by Bucky, and he smiled as he handed it to Tony. “Sorry, Pops but we have training today.”

Tony narrowed his eyes at the archer. “Don’t make Dad jokes at me, you are a father.”

“Hmm...too loud. Peter sleeping.” All eyes shifted down to the teenager mumbling grumpily from Tony’s neck. Everyone froze, waiting for the moment Peter woke up and shoved Tony away like he had every time he’d woken up. 

He sighed, trying to go back to sleep when he realised his arm was around someone. His eyes opened and he pulled back, seeing that it was Tony. 

“Mr Stark- I- I'm going back to my room.”

He got up from the couch, leaving Tony feeling cold and he couldn't take it anymore. He reached out and grabbed the boys wrist, voice raising. “No, you're not going anywhere, Peter. This has to stop!”

Peter pulled back, angry and stubborn. “I don’t want to talk to you!”

Tony couldn’t hold it back, it was too much, it had waited too long. “I know you don’t! And I know you don’t want any help but you need it! You need help, Peter, because you’re hurting and I can’t just watch you walk away because I’m hurting too!”

Peter tugged against Tony's hold again, even though he could dislodge him if he wanted he didn’t. Just like how he didn’t leave the compound when he could if he really wanted to get away from Tony and the other Avengers. Because deep down Peter wanted to be near them he just didn’t know how to ask for it. His trauma, his grief was like tape over his mouth and handcuffs on his wrists. He felt trapped and weak and scared and if he showed anyone it would mean he was a victim. And he didn’t want to be a victim not when he was supposed to be a hero. 

Tony’s voice was loud and croaky, pain rippling through his voice and threatening to break it. “I lost you. I lost my kid. And now you’re back and you don’t even want to talk to me...Pete, you’re breaking my heart here. And I know, deep down, you do want to talk to me because everytime you sleepwalk you come to me. Please.”

The Avengers had all left the room and it was dead silent before he tugged again against Tony's hold on him, face turned away. Tony sighed and let go, slumping down on the couch as Peter turned to leave. 

He was two steps from the door when the words came out, ones he’d been holding on to. Tony’s voice was so quiet he wasn’t sure if Peter would even hear them but he tried anyway. 

“I went to your funeral, Pete.”

The boy stopped, back facing Tony, his face still turned away but he stopped walking so, Tony kept talking. 

“They had a ceremony and lowered an empty coffin into the ground, next to your parents and Ben. And they had your photo up, the one of you on your birthday when I surprised you with that cake. You looked so happy in it. The city had a funeral for Spider-Man too. So many people came. They had funerals for all the lost Avengers but you were from Queens. You were special to them. Theirs.”

Peter turned, eyes wide. He’d had to exist in the time stone after his death but he hadn’t thought about what had happened after he disappeared. He hadn’t wanted to. 

“And then I had to live for five years with you...dead. Gone. And everything was...without you Pete, everything was just dark and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Not unless I got you back. So that's what I did. After your funeral, after Pepper tried to make me say goodbye I shut everything else away, everyone else, and I went and looked for the stones.”

Peter hadn’t expected that. Tony had given up everything to get him back?

“You left everyone? To find me? What about Pepper and the team?”

Tony shook his head, rubbing a hand over his eyes as they burned with tears threatening to fall. “They kept telling me to move on and I couldn't. You were the only thing that mattered.” 

Peter hadn’t seen that kind of raw vulnerability from Tony since he’d been stabbed on Titan. And just like then, Tony looked pained and tired and desperate. 

He faced Peter, not caring to hide his tear-filled eyes. “So, believe me when I tell you I know that hurt that you’re going through. I don't know what it's like in the time stone but I know what it's like to be empty. So, just talk to me. Before this kills you and me.”

Peter didn’t move from the doorway but his head turned enough for Tony to see the wobble of his bottom lip. His voice was strained. “I can’t. It’ll just hurt you more.”

He was getting through to him, he knew it and Tony wouldn’t give up until Peter gave in. “All you have to do is ask for help. It won't cure you but you won't be alone anymore. It gets easier we can work on it together so please, just...just talk to me. I don't care if it's going to make me sad. I don't care about what it does to me just let me carry some of that weight for you.”

Peter sniffled, refusing to turn around as he spoke, shoulders hunched around his ears and head ducked low as if he were a bomb about to go off and he was bracing himself.

“We weren’t us in there. I mean... we were but we didn’t have bodies. We were just...souls, trapped and scared. There were so many in there but we couldn’t really talk, you know? A lot of us cried, most of us were begging for help or to get out but it was more...sounds than words. I couldn’t talk to anyone. Couldn’t tell if the souls around me were people I knew or if they were people at all. It was so lonely.”

Tony felt as if his throat were closing up but Peter was finally letting him in and he would not lose it. Not now.

“God, Peter I’m so sorry.”

 

Tony watched those slim shoulders begin to shake as Peter began to cry.  
“And I…” He sobbed the words out, aching and dejected. “I died.”

Tony pressed his lips together, taking a breath in through his nose and smoothing his voice out before answering. “I know.”

“I felt it.”

That he didn't know. “What?”

Peter sucked in a gasp, hands going to his shirt and squeezing the material in his fists. “It hurt so bad. I could feel it coming. My spidey senses told me. I felt death coming from all around us, I felt it happening to everyone else and then it was crawling up my spine and I knew I was going to disappear.” 

He turned then, finding Tony's gaze and holding it, hands still gripping his own shirt like he was tearing at his chest. “I tried to hold on. I tried to stop it but I...I wasn’t strong enough. I couldn't stop it. I’m sorry.”

Tony moved forward, reaching for the boy as he shook his head. “Don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?”

“I didn't want to go. I didn't want you to see it. But I didn't want to be alone. I’m sorry, I died. I didn't mean to do that to you.”

He was scaring Tony now and he moved closer, a few feet away from the boy. “Peter what are you talking about?”

He sniffed, eyelashes sticking when he blinked. “When you die, your life ends, its over and you don't have to deal with the consequences. Everyone you left behind has to keep going without you there, with this crater in their lives that you used to fill. When Uncle Ben died I felt like id lost everything. I didn’t want to do that to you. Im sorry I hurt you.”

Tony hadn’t had any idea that Peter had felt his death, let alone felt it coming. He thought he'd been scared, sure, he thought he'd just drifted away but the fact that it had hurt? That was too much. 

Tony closed the space between them and pulled Peter towards him, holding him close, words pressed close to his ear. 

“It wasn't your fault.”

Peter sniffled against him, hands coming up tp grip the back of Tony’s shirt. “I let you down. I let everyone down. I hurt Aunt May and Ned and-”

Tony shook his head and pulled back enough to look into the Peters eyes. “Kid, stop. That wasn’t you. You didn’t do anything wrong. You did everything right. Do you know why it hurt so much when you died? Because we love you. Because I couldn't do anything to save you. But that will never happen again you hear me? I’m never going to let anyone hurt you ever again.”

Peter wanted to believe it but he didn't know how. “How can you promise that? How can you be sure?”

Tony was adamant. He had never been more sure of anything in his life. “Because no matter what, I’ll always do everything I can to save you. Even if I have to travel through space and time again. I'll do it. And I'll always be here, Pete. Whenever you need me.”

Peter had been hurting for so long and it was all he needed to hear. He wasn't alone anymore. Tony pulled him back to his chest and held on tight. “I’m not letting go, kid. Not ever.”

::::::::::::::::::

Tony was right. Talking hadn’t cured him, not by any means but it had helped and Peter felt lighter, less weighed down. He saw hope in his future because now, he had people there for him and he wasn’t going to push them away any longer. 

The Avengers were all gathered in the living room, chatting away, but they fell silent when Peter entered, Tony behind him with his hand on the boys shoulder. 

“Um, guys? I’m really sorry for how I’ve been acting. The battle with...well, it mixed everything up in my head and I can't stop thinking about it all. It never goes away and I thought I could handle it by myself but I can’t and...I think I need some help.”

Natasha smiled from where she sat on the couch, voice soft. ”That's what we’re here for, kiddo.”

So, Peter went to therapy and he learned new ways to deal with his trauma. The Avengers helped him out whenever they could and he learnt to ask for help when he had panic attacks. He went to bed when he was supposed to and if he had nightmare or sleepwalked they’d be there to help him. 

It wasn’t easy, it took work and the help of medication that Bruce prescribed him but he got better with each day. Even if they were small steps, even if he sometimes lost ground he was getting there. 

Each day felt like a battle and sometimes he lost but at least he wasn’t carrying the load by himself anymore. He could finally live.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it!!!! I'm so happy that so many of you liked this and followed along and comments and leftkudos so thank you to everyoneeeee I'm sorry it was super sad but hey at the end peter realised the best thing you can do is ask for help. So, if you're going through something let your loved ones know. It can be scary but it can really help. anyway love you all and if you want an extra sad thing here you go
> 
> https://l.facebook.com/l.php?u=https%3A%2F%2Fyoutu.be%2F1-OOFUU9JQ0%3Ffbclid%3DIwAR0r4HHAN2fTzfyPiCVYGqAxP5jjbxeKbyjf_qdmPlNU7_GmemYxP3Y8tD0&h=AT3hySWAYMwXWV4hqcXTV0WZQWuwwqCBvSWX2MRN8tUa5EQp1Ov3vWzk200T8KUhpzM3qvXmwueoLvWjf8ev0iL08FB-FrBVn1TnaQtY0DyDeIK2IZLgiUTWKQipkCIDoXdc
> 
> listen to that anf think about tony singing it for peter try not to cry i bet you'll lose i did.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! If so, let me know. I will be posting more soon since I've already written the next two chapters. The prompts for this fic are. 
> 
> "I wanted to know if it would be possible for you to write a fic in which Peter suffers from PTSD because he remembers how it felt to disappear, he remembers the pain and fear that came with it. With protective!Tony and protective!Avengers "
> 
> +
> 
> "Prompt: a sleepwalking/talking Peter due to severe lack of sleep"
> 
> +
> 
> "A sleepwalking Peter"
> 
> +
> 
> "P has nightmare or panic attack and seeks out Tony."
> 
> So, those will come up in later chapters hopefully they'll be done soon.


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